IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevent

The graphs below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevent
#graphs #show #percentage #men #women #four #countries #information #features #comparisons #relevent
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given line graph illustrates the percentage of
Use synonyms
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 and men who were employed in four different countries in 1970 and 2000. The data is measured in the percentage
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 in all of the countries and
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 were higher than
Use synonyms
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the amount of
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 in 2000
higher
Add a missing verb
is higher
show examples
 than
1970
Change preposition
in 1970
show examples
 except
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in
Belgium
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
 Moving to
Use synonyms
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 in
Belgium
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
, the
aged
Replace the word
ages
show examples
 60 – 64
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 insignificantly increased which
has
Verb problem
was
show examples
 7% in 1970 and
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 to 8%
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
Belgium
Use synonyms
 and 40% to 43% in
Japan
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
, USA and Australia
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
similarly
Linking Words
 decreased which 38% to 36% and 18% to 16% Moving to males, the ratio of
Japan
Use synonyms
 was the highest which
has
Verb problem
was
show examples
 74% at first and in the end it climbed to 86% becoming the highest in
this
Linking Words
 chart. USA and Australia
also
Linking Words
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a
Linking Words
similarly increasing
Replace the word
similar increase
show examples
 which
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the ratio respectively 55% to 73% and 47% to 76%.
Finally
Linking Words
, In
Belgium
Use synonyms
, the proportion
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the first time
has
Verb problem
was
show examples
 only 19%
then
Linking Words
 it rocketed to 79% in 2000
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "similarly".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words woman, belgium, japan with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: