IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Today more and more people want things instantly (e.g.:goods, services, news). Why is this ? Is it a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, there are more people
want
Correct pronoun usage
who want
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 available
things
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.
This
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 writer believes that
this
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 is a positive development
due to
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 the
convenience
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 and the enhancement in the
quality
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 of our
life
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. It must be understood that the
instant
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things
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 around us can positively increase the
quality
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 of our
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
This
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 is especially
if
Correct word choice
true if
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 the customer is being served at a crowded location they can use the immediate
things
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 to save
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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time
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.
Therefore
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, they will have more
time
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 to promote other elements to upgrade their country
as well as
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 the globe.
As a consequence
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, the
quality
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 of our
life
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 will be improved.
For example
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, bookings in restaurants can save
the
Correct article usage
apply
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customers from waiting and use their
time
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 to do something else.
Hence
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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instant
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things
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 can help the customer
saving
Replace the word
save
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time
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. Another point worth considering is that
instant
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 service can bring
convenience
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 towards the users.
In other words
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, they can do many
things
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 at the same
time
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 when they are using the service.
As a result
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, they can finish many works at the same
time
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, so they can use their spare
time
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 to stay with their family
of
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or
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 do their hobby.
For instance
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, an office worker can eat
the
Correct article usage
apply
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instant
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 noodles
while
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 they are dealing with their job to save
time
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 and be convenient.
Thus
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,
instant
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things
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 can bring
convenience
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 towards the customer. In conclusion, there are more positive elements than negative, as there are clear benefits to
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
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 the
life
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quality
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.
Furthermore
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, the
convenience
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can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
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 be earned from those services is
also
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 a considered point in saving
time
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 for the users.

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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer. The phrase 'more people want available things' is somewhat vague. Specify that people desire instant goods, services, and news for better clarity.
task achievement
Expand on your explanation of why instant services improve quality of life. Include examples like faster medical services which can make a significant impact on health and well-being.
coherence cohesion
Use transition phrases like 'Firstly,' 'Additionally,' and 'In conclusion,' to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay mentions the convenience and time-saving aspects of instant services, but elaborating on a broader range of examples could strengthen your argument and make it more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetitive wordings like 'instant things.' Vary your vocabulary to keep readers engaged. For example, use 'immediate,' 'on-demand,' or 'rapid' for variety.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear conclusion summarizing the positive aspects of instant services.
task achievement
You have given some examples like restaurant bookings and office workers eating instant noodles which serve to illustrate your points well.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Instant gratification
  • Technological advancements
  • Consumer expectations
  • Same-day delivery
  • Streaming platforms
  • Information overload
  • Decision fatigue
  • Environmental implications
  • Societal implications
  • Resource depletion
  • Marketing strategies
  • Consumer satisfaction
  • Quality of life
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