IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #countries #service #men #school #idea #system #women
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I agree that all countries have military
service
 for
men
. In my country, there is
military
Add an article
a military
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 account for all
dude
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dudes
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 and I think that
this
 is a good thing. It teaches
fellow
Fix the agreement mistake
fellows
show examples
 many new things and new skills that are important for life.
Also
 for young
people
, it is fun doing military account. I made many friends in my country with
military
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the military
a military
show examples
 office. It is good for countries to have military and military needs folk. If military business is in the country
then
 the army would have
people
 and
also
 young
people
 would learn new teachers.
On the other hand
, I do not agree with military supply for women. Nowadays there are some women in the military and
this
 is not a problem for them. but I think that not all women want to go
in
Change preposition
into
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 the military and not all
person
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people
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 are strong
for
Rephrase
enough for
show examples
 the military. Maybe
female
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females
show examples
 have other
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 or can stay at home. I think that
this
 is chosen for
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 and compulsory military
service
 is not a good thing. Nowadays there are problems in many countries with
behaviour
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the behaviour
show examples
 of young
people
. Young
people
maybe
Correct your spelling
may have
show examples
 no respect and maybe criminal
behaviour
. I think that military
service
 is very hard and you need to be respected. I think that
this
 is good for young
people
 and especially
men
.
Men
 are more often criminal-like
behaviour
 and maybe violence. Military
service
 teaches good
behaviour
. I think that military
service
 is a good thing for
men
however
 other
people
 do not agree with
this
. They think military
service
 is a violent place and the military is not a good place for
people
.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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task response
- Develop a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your argument, making your essay more structured. - Use paragraphs to separate your ideas and make your essay easier to follow. - Strengthen your arguments by including more specific and detailed examples. - Provide a balanced perspective by considering possible counterarguments and addressing them effectively.
coherence cohesion
- Organize your essay better by dividing it into paragraphs; this will help each idea to stand out clearly. - Ensure that each paragraph begins with a topic sentence and sticks to a single idea or argument. - Use linking words and phrases (e.g., however, thus, consequently) to enhance the flow of ideas.
linguistic quality
- Avoid repetitive phrases and aim for more variety in your sentence structures. - Proofread your essay for grammar and sentence construction errors to make it more polished and clear. - Enhancing vocabulary and using more precise words will make your essay more engaging and effective.
task response
- The essay clearly states the writer's position on compulsory military service, which is a good foundation for presenting further arguments. - The writer provides personal experiences which add a unique perspective to the essay.
coherence cohesion
- There is an attempt to address potential counterarguments, which shows a more complex understanding of the topic. - The essay has a logical flow overall, with thoughts presented in a sequence that is easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • military service
  • young men
  • adopt
  • system
  • patriotism
  • national unity
  • responsibility
  • discipline
  • individual freedoms
  • personal choice
  • skills
  • training
What to do next:
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