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Writing Samples
Band 5

The following report delineates the participation of individuals aged 18-20 in various activities over the course of a month, segregated by gender.

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The following report delineates the
participation
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 of individuals aged 18-20 in various activities over the course of a month, segregated by gender.
Overall
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,
females
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 in the 18-20 age group displayed higher engagement levels in cycling, swimming, and
hockey
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 compared to
males
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.
On the other hand
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,
males
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 were more involved in basketball,
football
Correct word choice
and football
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, and showed negligible
participation
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 in
hockey
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. It is evident from the data that
females
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 aged 18-20 exhibited a greater inclination towards cycling, with approximately 50% engaging in
this
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 activity,
whereas
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 only about 35% of
males
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 of the same age group participated in cycling.
Moreover
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, in swimming,
females
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 dominated the activity with roughly 50% involvement,
while
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 male
participation
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 stood at around 40%.
Conversely
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, basketball saw a higher presence of
males
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, accounting for approximately 10%,
whereas
Linking Words
females
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'
participation
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 in
this
Linking Words
 sport was around 30%. In terms of football, the data reveals that only nearly 5% of
females
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 aged 18-20 engaged in
this
Linking Words
 activity, contrasting with around 20% of
males
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 who participated in football.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the bar chart indicates a minimal involvement of
males
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 in
hockey
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, just above 0%,
whereas
Linking Words
females
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 displayed a slightly higher engagement level with close to 10% participating in
hockey
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.
Submitted by Shaxnoza on

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task achievement
Continue to support your statements with specific data from the chart or graph. This ensures that your points are well-evidenced and enhances the credibility of your analysis.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-structured, make sure the introduction provides a little more context or background about the data source. Similarly, a brief conclusion summarizing the main findings would strengthen the overall cohesiveness of the report.
task achievement
The essay provides a thorough analysis of the data, with clear and logical comparisons between male and female participation.
task achievement
The use of specific data points to support your observations enhances the clarity and comprehensiveness of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is maintained throughout the essay, with each paragraph focusing on a particular aspect of the data.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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