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Band 5

The following report delineates the participation of individuals aged 18-20 in various activities over the course of a month, segregated by gender.

#report #delineates #participation #individuals #activities #course #month #gender
The following report delineates the
participation
 of individuals aged 18-20 in various activities over the course of a month, segregated by gender.
Overall
,
females
 in the 18-20 age group displayed higher engagement levels in cycling, swimming, and
hockey
 compared to
males
.
On the other hand
,
males
 were more involved in basketball,
football
Correct word choice
and football
show examples
, and showed negligible
participation
 in
hockey
. It is evident from the data that
females
 aged 18-20 exhibited a greater inclination towards cycling, with approximately 50% engaging in
this
 activity,
whereas
 only about 35% of
males
 of the same age group participated in cycling.
Moreover
, in swimming,
females
 dominated the activity with roughly 50% involvement,
while
 male
participation
 stood at around 40%.
Conversely
, basketball saw a higher presence of
males
, accounting for approximately 10%,
whereas
females
'
participation
 in
this
 sport was around 30%. In terms of football, the data reveals that only nearly 5% of
females
 aged 18-20 engaged in
this
 activity, contrasting with around 20% of
males
 who participated in football.
Furthermore
, the bar chart indicates a minimal involvement of
males
 in
hockey
, just above 0%,
whereas
females
 displayed a slightly higher engagement level with close to 10% participating in
hockey
.
Submitted by Shaxnoza on

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task achievement
Continue to support your statements with specific data from the chart or graph. This ensures that your points are well-evidenced and enhances the credibility of your analysis.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-structured, make sure the introduction provides a little more context or background about the data source. Similarly, a brief conclusion summarizing the main findings would strengthen the overall cohesiveness of the report.
task achievement
The essay provides a thorough analysis of the data, with clear and logical comparisons between male and female participation.
task achievement
The use of specific data points to support your observations enhances the clarity and comprehensiveness of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is maintained throughout the essay, with each paragraph focusing on a particular aspect of the data.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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