IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people prefer to spend time with their own age group while others like to spend their time with different age groups. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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This
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people
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 thinks to spend
time
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 with their own
age
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group
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while
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 others like to spend their
time
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 with different
age
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groups
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firstly
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 spend
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 with
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that is
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secondly
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that is
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 very important for
people
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then
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 some
people
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 spend
time
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 with own
age
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groups
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 because same think and believe
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 parity
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for instance
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 teenager go with friends because same
problems
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 and parity the goals
in addition
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 too same study a
such
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 friends
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 class and
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 the school both hobby the hobby
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 important reason so some
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while
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 some
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 like spend
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 with different
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 because like the change so spend
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 with old person because take mane information about life and a lot of friends
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 a good and
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this
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 are help to contact with all
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 and that help
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 on study now language in conclusion after look both point views I think the different
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that is
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 dangers as result contact
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 and my
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a basic structure, but it needs to be more organized. Consider using clear paragraphs for the introduction, body (discussing both views), and conclusion.
task achievement
Make sure to state your opinion clearly in the introduction and conclusion. This provides a more cohesive argument and makes your stance clear.
task achievement
Support your points with specific examples and detailed explanations. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on your sentence structure and grammar. Clear and correct sentences will make your ideas easier to understand.
task achievement
You have identified the main points for discussion and have attempted to address them, which is good for task response.
task achievement
The essay shows an effort to address both views, which demonstrates an understanding of the task requirements.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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