IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people prefer to spend time with their own age group while others like to spend their time with different age groups. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #age #group #groups
This
 essay will discuss both sides will draw my personal in conclusion some
people
 thinks to spend
time
 with their own
age
group
while
 others like to spend their
time
 with different
age
groups
firstly
 spend
time
 with
group
that is
 important
secondly
 meek of
group
that is
 very important for
people
then
 some
people
 spend
time
 with own
age
groups
 because same think and believe
then
 parity
problems
for instance
 teenager go with friends because same
problems
 and parity the goals
in addition
 the
age
 too same study a
such
 friends
group
 class and
group
 the school both hobby the hobby
that is
 important reason so some
people
 meek the link in club howevar that reason many
problems
while
 some
people
 like spend
time
 with different
groups
 because like the change so spend
time
 with old person because take mane information about life and a lot of friends
that is
 a good and
this
 is vary important for life
also
 meek many
groups
this
 are help to contact with all
people
 and that help
people
 on study now language in conclusion after look both point views I think the different
group
that is
 bast for contact
however
that is
 dangers as result contact
problems
 and my
further
 have many
groups
 from much counters
Submitted by s97580011 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a basic structure, but it needs to be more organized. Consider using clear paragraphs for the introduction, body (discussing both views), and conclusion.
task achievement
Make sure to state your opinion clearly in the introduction and conclusion. This provides a more cohesive argument and makes your stance clear.
task achievement
Support your points with specific examples and detailed explanations. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on your sentence structure and grammar. Clear and correct sentences will make your ideas easier to understand.
task achievement
You have identified the main points for discussion and have attempted to address them, which is good for task response.
task achievement
The essay shows an effort to address both views, which demonstrates an understanding of the task requirements.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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