IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people say history is one of the most important school subjects. Other's people think of love, in today's world,Subjects like science and technology are more important than history. Discuss both views and give your opinion:

#people #history #school #subjects #love #world #science #technology
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Undoubtedly,
students
Use synonyms
 nowadays like to learn practical
subjects
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as chemistry and physics but
history
Use synonyms
subject
Use synonyms
 has its own importance. Many humans believe that traditional knowledge is necessary
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 studying in schools but others are opposed to
this
Linking Words
 view. I will discuss both sides in upcoming paragraphs. To
embark
Verb problem
begin
show examples
 with,
history
Use synonyms
subject
Use synonyms
 has great value
in particular
Linking Words
subjects
Use synonyms
 which are
teaching
Wrong verb form
taught
show examples
 in schools because if
students
Use synonyms
 do not learn
history
Use synonyms
 they will not
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 old monuments and public holidays.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
 children have no knowledge about past kings who sacrificed a lot to make their public happy and make the country independent.As most of the
students
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 are not well known about the
Indipendence
Correct your spelling
Independence
day
Capitalize word
Day
show examples
 or
republic day
Correct your spelling
Republic Day
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people think that other
subjects
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 are more interesting
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
histor beca
Correct your spelling
history because
 in
this
Linking Words
 modern era
students
Use synonyms
 love
such
Linking Words
 active
subjects
Use synonyms
 in which they perform different practical activities and enjoy learning. But in
Use synonyms
history
Add a comma
history,
show examples
 they feel bored
due to
Linking Words
 the lack of proper guidance or excellent teaching methods which help
students
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 to gain interest in
this
Linking Words
subject
Use synonyms
. Many
thoughts
Correct your spelling
thought
show examples
 that it is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
just a
wastage
Replace the word
waste
show examples
 of time as it has no future outcomes and
this
Linking Words
well
Correct your spelling
will
show examples
 not help in modern inventions
such
Linking Words
 as
Robot
Fix the agreement mistake
robots
show examples
. In conclusion, it is concluded that everything has
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
 own value or
own
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
importance so every
subject
Use synonyms
 should
be teach
Change the verb form
be taught
show examples
 equally so
students
Use synonyms
 will become more successful in education and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have great knowledge in every field.
Submitted by manpreetkaurzzx on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that introductory and concluding sentences are more refined. This will make the essay’s opening and closing statements stand out clearly.
supported main points
Use more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention particular historical events or figures, and specific modern technologies affecting education.
logical structure
Work on the logical flow of your essay. Connect sentences and ideas more smoothly to lead the reader from one point to another more effectively.
complete response
You covered both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach.
clear comprehensive ideas
You touched on a comprehensive set of ideas relating to the topic of history versus modern subjects in education.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • origins
  • cohesive
  • critical thinking
  • analyzing
  • conflicts
  • atrocities
  • adversities
  • innovation
  • economic growth
  • practical skills
  • job market
  • future challenges
  • climate change
  • health crises
  • technological ethics
What to do next:
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