Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people argue that outdoor
activities
is
more vital than playing Change the verb form
are
computer
games
. I agree with this
opinion. However
, playing computer
games
is one of significant
ways Add an article
the significant
for having
fun. Change preposition
to have
that is
way
I disagree when only outdoor Correct your spelling
why
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
children
have to do.
In
the other hand, I believe that outdoor Change preposition
On
activities
can bring a
Correct the article-noun agreement
children
a child
children
to
good habits and Change preposition
apply
this
will have a big impact for
Change preposition
on
children
who need some activities
outside because they need
explore and meet with many people and make Add the particle
need to
friendship
. Replace the word
friends
For instance
, children
who is
playing football will meet with others and can interact Change the verb form
are
each
other. Change preposition
with each
Therefore
, this
Correct determiner usage
these
activities
is
crucial for Correct subject-verb agreement
are
children
.
In addition
, the world of children
is playing some activitis
, I think it is time for them to spend Correct your spelling
activities
many
time with some Replace the quantifier
much
activities
that
is
useful and can enhance creativity or Change the verb form
are
maight
there are talents that they can find. Correct your spelling
might
Besides
, I disagree when people assum
playing Correct your spelling
assume
computer
games
are
not important Correct subject-verb agreement
is
due to
this
activity is one of ways
to have fun and certainly can reduce stress.
In conclusion, outdoor Add an article
the ways
activities
and playing computer
games
are good way
to have fun. Fix the agreement mistake
ways
However
I Add a comma
However,
more
agree Correct quantifier usage
apply
with
outdoor Change preposition
that
activities
that
have many advantages for Correct pronoun usage
apply
children
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on
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general
Try to avoid repetitive phrases such as 'some people argue' and 'I agree.' Additionally, make sure all your ideas are fully developed and supported with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical structure of your paragraphs. Your second paragraph begins with 'In the other hand,' which should be 'On the other hand.' This phrase signals a contrast. Additionally, use transition words and phrases to ensure a smooth flow of ideas.
task response
Provide clear, detailed examples to support your main points. For instance, elaborate on how interaction in outdoor activities helps children develop social skills and mention specific benefits of playing computer games.
task response
You did a good job of presenting both sides of the argument which shows a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is essential in essay writing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.