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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say History is one of the most important schoool subjects. Othert people think that, in todays world, subjects like Science and technolog are most important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #history #schoool #subjects #othert #todays #world #science #technolog
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With the advancement of
science
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 and
technology
Use synonyms
, citizen's lives have
dramatiaclly
Correct your spelling
dramatically
 changed
in
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apply
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these days. Some
people
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 argue that
hisotry
Correct your spelling
history
 should be considered one of the essential
subjects
Use synonyms
,
while
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 others disagree with
this
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, stating that more practical
subjects
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,
such
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 as
science
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 and
technology
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, are more important than
history
Use synonyms
.
This
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 essay examines both sides of
this
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 argument and draws the conclusion that
science
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
 are more valued than
history
Use synonyms
 as school
subjects
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, it can be claimed that
history
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 can be an essential
Use synonyms
subjects
Correct the article-noun agreement
subject
show examples
 for some
students
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. One of the reasons is that some high school
students
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 are required to master
history
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 to pass an entrance examination of an
unievrsity
Correct your spelling
university
.
This
Linking Words
 means that some universities adopt
history
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 as a subject of their
addmition
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admission
addition
 test, which forces
students
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 who hope to enrol
Linking Words
such
Change preposition
in such
show examples
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
 to learn
history
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. Another reason is that
hisotry
Correct your spelling
history
 brings about great benefits to
students
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 who are willing to engage in
history
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 or politics at work in the future.
On the other hand
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, it is frequently argued that
science
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 and
technology
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 are more important than
history
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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, advanced
technology
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 has
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
show examples
 to improve
people
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's lives.
For instance
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, the advent of the internet,
smartphone
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smartphones
show examples
, or artificial intelligence made our lives
increadibly
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increasingly
 more efficient and convenient.
Secondly
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, developing
technology
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 can generate new business and employment, which
promote
Correct subject-verb agreement
promotes
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 economic growth in society. It is the case that a large number of
people
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 tend to rush into obtaining new gadgets
such
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 as a new series of
iPhone
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iPhones
show examples
, and food providers can have more opportunities to gain
revenuem
Correct your spelling
revenue
revenues
 owing to
genetic
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genetically
show examples
 modified foods. In conclusion, it seems to me that
science
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 and
technology
Use synonyms
 should be more valued as school
subjects
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 because
while
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people
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 who receive the benefits from
history
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 are limited to those who
are engage
Change the verb form
are engaged
show examples
 in
history
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 or politics at work,
science
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 and
technology
Use synonyms
 bring about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great benefits to a wider
rainge
Correct your spelling
range
 of
people
Use synonyms
 in the world.
Submitted by june06112000 on

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task achievement
Check for minor spelling and grammatical errors such as 'dramaticaly', 'unievrsity', 'admition', and 'rainge'. Utilizing spell-check tools or proofreading can help catch these mistakes.
task achievement
Expand on the introduction to provide a slightly more detailed background about the debate between history and science/technology.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing key points discussed in the essay before stating your final opinion.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of the essay. For instance, at the beginning of new paragraphs, use phrases like 'In contrast,' or 'Additionally,' to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is solid with clear paragraphs for the introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
The essay successfully discusses both views and gives the writer's opinion, addressing the main requirements of the prompt.
task achievement
Relevant examples, such as the impact of the internet and smartphones, bolster the argument about the importance of science and technology.
coherence cohesion
Each body paragraph focuses on a single main idea, which enhances clarity and coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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