Some people say History is one of the most important schoool subjects. Othert people think that, in todays world, subjects like Science and technolog are most important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

With the advancement of
science
and
technology
, citizen's lives have
dramatiaclly
Correct your spelling
dramatically
changed
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days. Some
people
argue that
hisotry
Correct your spelling
history
should be considered one of the essential
subjects
,
while
others disagree with
this
, stating that more practical
subjects
,
such
as
science
and
technology
, are more important than
history
.
This
essay examines both sides of
this
argument and draws the conclusion that
science
and
technology
are more valued than
history
as school
subjects
. On the one hand, it can be claimed that
history
can be an essential
subjects
Correct the article-noun agreement
subject
show examples
for some
students
. One of the reasons is that some high school
students
are required to master
history
to pass an entrance examination of an
unievrsity
Correct your spelling
university
.
This
means that some universities adopt
history
as a subject of their
addmition
Correct your spelling
admission
addition
test, which forces
students
who hope to enrol
such
Change preposition
in such
show examples
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
to learn
history
. Another reason is that
hisotry
Correct your spelling
history
brings about great benefits to
students
who are willing to engage in
history
or politics at work in the future.
On the other hand
, it is frequently argued that
science
and
technology
are more important than
history
.
Firstly
, advanced
technology
has
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
show examples
to improve
people
's lives.
For instance
, the advent of the internet,
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
, or artificial intelligence made our lives
increadibly
Correct your spelling
increasingly
more efficient and convenient.
Secondly
, developing
technology
can generate new business and employment, which
promote
Correct subject-verb agreement
promotes
show examples
economic growth in society. It is the case that a large number of
people
tend to rush into obtaining new gadgets
such
as a new series of
iPhone
Fix the agreement mistake
iPhones
show examples
, and food providers can have more opportunities to gain
revenuem
Correct your spelling
revenue
revenues
owing to
genetic
Change the adjective
genetically
show examples
modified foods. In conclusion, it seems to me that
science
and
technology
should be more valued as school
subjects
because
while
people
who receive the benefits from
history
are limited to those who
are engage
Change the verb form
are engaged
show examples
in
history
or politics at work,
science
and
technology
bring about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great benefits to a wider
rainge
Correct your spelling
range
of
people
in the world.
Submitted by june06112000 on

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task achievement
Check for minor spelling and grammatical errors such as 'dramaticaly', 'unievrsity', 'admition', and 'rainge'. Utilizing spell-check tools or proofreading can help catch these mistakes.
task achievement
Expand on the introduction to provide a slightly more detailed background about the debate between history and science/technology.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing key points discussed in the essay before stating your final opinion.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of the essay. For instance, at the beginning of new paragraphs, use phrases like 'In contrast,' or 'Additionally,' to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is solid with clear paragraphs for the introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
The essay successfully discusses both views and gives the writer's opinion, addressing the main requirements of the prompt.
task achievement
Relevant examples, such as the impact of the internet and smartphones, bolster the argument about the importance of science and technology.
coherence cohesion
Each body paragraph focuses on a single main idea, which enhances clarity and coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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