IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Sending criminals to prison is not the best method of dealing with them. Education and job training are better ways to help them. Do you agree or disagree?

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The best way to deal with offenders is by ordering jail punishment but
other
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another
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 possible way can be
Correct article usage
the rehabiliation
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rehabiliation
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rehabilitation
 method. I believe the solution is
the
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apply
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mid-way and cases should be handled based on situations that had affected the offences. Every crime has its own story which should be studied to predict
that
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apply
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whether the
person
Use synonyms
 can be offered another chance or not.
To begin
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 with, some criminals should never be allowed to
bailed
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be bailed
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 out because their criminal history is indicative of their story. The most dangerous crimes are considered to
be arisen
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arise
have arisen
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 from hatred or a certain kind of belief system a
person
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 hosts in his mind. Even they can be
threat
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a threat
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 to the ones who are victim of their crimes.
For example
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, sexual offenders cannot be ever allowed to live independently in society. They can significantly hinder the
life
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lives
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 of their already targeted victims and affect
mental
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the mental
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 well-being of the individuals affected.
In contrast
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, some unlawful incidents can be pardoned
such
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 as robbery, unlawful road behaviours and even bullying in schools. The criminals can be provided
second
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a second
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 chance where they should be observed to check their progress.
For instance
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, if a poor
person
Use synonyms
 does shoplifting
then
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 they are sometimes left with a warning.
Besides
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this
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, they are sent to some
rehabilatory
Correct your spelling
retaliatory
rehabilitator
 facilities. In
such
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 places, they are trained to learn skills and in
future
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future,
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 they can earn many opportunities to showcase their skills and earn money. So, the real cause of the stealing money can be addressed and reduced. In conclusion, it depends on situations in which a
person
Use synonyms
 commits crimes. The problem should be resolved depending on the cases.
However
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, some criminals do not deserve to live in society freely because their thinking cannot make positive changes in
community
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the community
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. Ergo, the resolution has to be a multifarious approach.

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task achievement
Your introduction needs to be more precise and clearly outline your thesis. Consider reworking your first sentence for clarity and impact.
task achievement
Try to develop your arguments more fully and provide additional examples where possible. This will make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions seamlessly to the next. Work on developing a more logical flow from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
Eliminate minor grammatical errors and improve sentence structures for greater clarity and coherence.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which enriches your essay.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant and help support your points effectively, especially in the discussion of rehabilitation and its benefits.
coherence cohesion
The essay features a clear conclusion that encapsulates your main arguments well.
coherence cohesion
You have included a clear introduction and conclusion, fulfilling essential essay components.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Rehabilitation
  • Recidivism
  • Reintegration
  • Vocational training
  • Incarceration
  • Deterrent
  • Correctional facilities
  • Reformative justice
  • Social reentry
  • Ex-offender
  • Criminal justice system
  • Restorative practices
  • Penal system
  • Social marginalization
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