IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The type of media that people of different age groups used to get daily news in one country in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.

#type #media #people #age #groups #news #country #information #features #comparison
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given bar chart illustrates how people of different ages accessed daily news in a nation in 2011.
Overall
, it is evident that as people got older, the trend of obtaining news shifted from social media to radio.
Additionally
,
while
 other platforms experienced significant changes in user numbers, microblogging remained relatively stable. Regarding the media most used across all life groups, for individuals aged 10 to 17, the rate stood at exactly 80%, which was double the number of wireless users.
However
, as old age increased, there was a notable shift towards radio, with the percentage rising to above 90% for those aged 65 and over,
while
 the fraction of individuals using social media sharply declined to about 25%.
Furthermore
, despite a slight decrease, radio remained the most popular medium across all maturity groups, with approximately 88% usage among those aged 30 to 65 and over. Turning to the remaining statistics, the percentage of microblogging users accounted for about 20% among those aged 10 to 17.
Subsequently
, it slightly increased to nearly 25%, but as age increased, the proportion gradually declined to exactly 10%.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your overall task response is strong as you have summarized the main features and made relevant comparisons. However, you can further clarify some points, especially regarding the usage percentages across different age groups for each type of media. Including specific examples from the data could enhance the clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion with a logical structure and well-linked paragraphs. The introduction and overview are clear, and the information is presented in an organized manner. However, adding transitional phrases could slightly improve the flow.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear and concise introduction, accurately presenting the information to be discussed.
logical structure
You have included comprehensive main points and relevant comparisons, which help illustrate the trends across different age groups effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: