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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the bar chart shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008

the bar chart shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008
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The given graph provides data for the proportion of individuals who
prefer
Wrong verb form
preferred
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 to consume five portions of vegetables and fruits daily in the United
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Kingdom between 2001 and 2008. The numbers were measured in percentage (%).
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be observed that
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 always had the highest ratio during the timeframe
while
Linking Words
 the opposite was true for children.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it can
also
Linking Words
 be witnessed that almost
genders
Correct determiner usage
all genders
show examples
 experienced a slight increase in the first six
years
Use synonyms
;
however
Linking Words
, in the rest of the period, it dropped gradually. Looking at the figures in
further
Linking Words
 detail, the greatest numbers were attributed to the consumption of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 throughout the given period which
had
Verb problem
was
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 20% at the beginning of the eight
years
Use synonyms
 given and rose steadily to more than 32% in 2007.
Although
Linking Words
 there was a decline in the following
years
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 figure was still considered as the highest one
at the end
Linking Words
 of the timeframe. On top of that,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar tendency
also
Linking Words
 occurred with the figure of the youngest group. There was only 11% of children who eat five portions of fresh food per day and
this
Linking Words
 rate remained the same in the two
years
Use synonyms
 after. In 2007,
this
Linking Words
 reached a peak and decreased slightly in 2008 with 22%. Turning to the remaining statistics, it can
be witness
Change the verb form
be witnessed
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 that the proportion of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 underwent the same trend
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 other groups. It started with 18% in 2008 and had remained stable until 2003. In the following
years
Use synonyms
, the percentage of men rose gradually and
also
Linking Words
 gained the greatest figure in 2007 with nearly 28%. As same as the others, there was a noticeable drop in the next year with approximately 26%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • portion
  • consumption
  • trend
  • significant increase/decrease
  • stability
  • public health campaign
  • awareness
  • socio-economic factors
  • health implications
  • daily intake
  • nutritional habits
  • dietary guidelines
  • public policy
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