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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the proportion of the workforce who are women and the proportion of managers who are women in five different countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the proportion of the workforce who are women and the proportion of managers who are women in five different countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#proportion #workforce #women #managers #five #countries #information #features #comparisons
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The given table illustrates how many
women
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 in five various
countries
Use synonyms
 whether they are employees or
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
managers. It can be clearly seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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Japan has the highest
amount
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 Labour
Force
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,the
countries
Use synonyms
 like Australia and the US
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 the highest rate of management by
women
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. The average of
women
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 who are employees is %48 in Japan.(Which is the highest
amount
Use synonyms
 of Labour
Force
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 between all
countries
Use synonyms
).
Moreover
Linking Words
,42 per
cent
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 of
women
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work
Use synonyms
 at companies in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both
countries
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 of Australia and Sri Lanka.
Although
Linking Words
,the proportion of
women
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 managers in Sri Lanka is %9.(Which is the lowest percentage of employers among the whole
countries
Use synonyms
).
In addition
Linking Words
,the
amount
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 of
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 who
work
Use synonyms
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
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 in the
united
Capitalize word
United
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of
Change preposition
apply
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states is 46 per
cent
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,Compared to
women
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 who are managers at
43per
Correct your spelling
43 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in America,which is the same as the percentage of
women
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management
Change preposition
in management
show examples
 in Australia.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,in
Egypt
Add a comma
Egypt,
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companies do not tend to employ
women
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 to
work
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 and the proportion of
Use synonyms
work
Correct your spelling
workforce
show examples
force
Use synonyms
 is 20 per
cent
Use synonyms
.(Which is the lowest
amount
Use synonyms
 of Labour
Force
Use synonyms
 between other
countries
Use synonyms
).
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, work, countries, amount, force, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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