IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The table below shows the proportion of the workforce who are women and the proportion of managers who are women in five different countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the proportion of the workforce who are women and the proportion of managers who are women in five different countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#proportion #workforce #women #managers #five #countries #information #features #comparisons
The given table illustrates how many
women
work
 in five various
countries
 whether they are employees or
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
managers. It can be clearly seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Japan has the highest
amount
 of
women
 Labour
Force
.
However
,the
countries
 like Australia and the US
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 the highest rate of management by
women
. The average of
women
 who are employees is %48 in Japan.(Which is the highest
amount
 of Labour
Force
 between all
countries
).
Moreover
,42 per
cent
 of
women
work
 at companies in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both
countries
 of Australia and Sri Lanka.
Although
,the proportion of
women
 managers in Sri Lanka is %9.(Which is the lowest percentage of employers among the whole
countries
).
In addition
,the
amount
 of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 who
work
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
show examples
 in the
united
Capitalize word
United
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
states is 46 per
cent
,Compared to
women
 who are managers at
43per
Correct your spelling
43 per
cent
 in America,which is the same as the percentage of
women
management
Change preposition
in management
show examples
 in Australia.
On the other hand
,in
Egypt
Add a comma
Egypt,
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companies do not tend to employ
women
 to
work
 and the proportion of
work
Correct your spelling
workforce
show examples
force
 is 20 per
cent
.(Which is the lowest
amount
 of Labour
Force
 between other
countries
).
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words women, work, countries, amount, force, cent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: