IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#position #women #societies #years #gender #equality
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Over half a century, the
status
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 has been changing rapidly;
however
Linking Words
, communities cannot substantiate the achievement of
gender
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 equality.
While
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 many groups of people favour
this
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 viewpoint, I argue that legal implications, more job opportunities and
right
Correct article usage
the right
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 to get
education
Use synonyms
 provided by the
government
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 in many countries to support
female
Correct article usage
the female
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 category prove that there is no discrimination on
Use synonyms
gender
Correct article usage
a gender
show examples
 basis. Primarily, improving the position of
females
Use synonyms
 is
due to
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 the laws made in their
favours
Fix the agreement mistake
favour
show examples
. To provide
the
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apply
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equal
status
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 to every
Use synonyms
women
Change to a singular noun
woman
show examples
, higher authorities make rules and regulations to protect the dignity of
females
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such
Linking Words
 as the law against
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
domestic violence and
annouce
Correct your spelling
announce
 some harsh punishments to the offenders.
This
Linking Words
 leads to
Correct article usage
a raise
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raise
Correct your spelling
rise
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
status
Use synonyms
 of
females
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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.
Besides
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 legal reforms, another reason to disagree with the statement is the availability of vocational
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 in every sector. To specify, in the past few decades,
females
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are
Verb problem
have
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holding
Wrong verb form
held
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 various positions in every work area,
for example
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, politics, sports and defensive services
too
Rephrase
apply
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. It is evident that
women
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 are getting jobs not only without discrimination but
also
Linking Words
 at equal wages, thereby, representing the respectful
status
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 of
women
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 in
society
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.
Moreover
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,
females
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 are getting
Use synonyms
education
Correct article usage
an education
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 equally to males. Since
government
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schools
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 are providing free
education
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 to a girl child and offer
free of cost one time
Add a hyphen
free-of-cost one-time
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meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
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 at
schools
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, parents allow their daughters to enrol in educational institutes
whereas
Linking Words
 in the past,
education
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 was costly and parents
prefer
Wrong verb form
preferred
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 sons to join
schools
Use synonyms
 over daughters, leaving them illiterate.
For example
Linking Words
, had the
government
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schools
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 of India not been
disseminate
Wrong verb form
disseminating
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 equally to female
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
, they would not have been able to hold a dignified position in the community. In conclusion, some people think that they are yet to claim
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
equality on
Use synonyms
gender
Correct article usage
a gender
show examples
 basis even after the better
status
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 of
women
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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, but I think
gender
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 equality could be witnessed
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 every domain of life
due to
Linking Words
 the favour of
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
.
Submitted by immysandhu94 on

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task achievement
Your essay should have a clearer thesis statement in the introduction, explicitly stating your position.
coherence cohesion
Ensure you are using appropriate topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly indicate the main point of that paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Do not repeat ideas excessively; focus on fully expanding and supporting each point before moving to the next one.
language accuracy
Review your grammatical structures to avoid simple but frequent errors, such as subject-verb agreement and incorrect word forms.
lexical resource
Use more varied vocabulary to illustrate your points and avoid repetition.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, which make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized and follows a logical structure.
introduction conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your opinion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • historical context
  • gender pay gap
  • underrepresentation
  • leadership roles
  • gender-based violence
  • educational opportunities
  • workforce
  • legal reforms
  • statistics
  • case studies
  • global perspective
  • progressive changes
  • cultural differences
  • empowerment
  • patriarchy
  • systemic discrimination
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