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Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie charts show the electricity generated in Germany and France from all sources and renewables in the year 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts show the electricity generated in Germany and France from all sources and renewables in the year 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The four pie charts demonstrate statistical information about
electricity
Use synonyms
 generation in two different countries from three distinct types of
energy
Use synonyms
 and the breakdown of renewables for the year 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that
Germany
Use synonyms
 produced more
electricity
Use synonyms
 from conventional thermal
energy
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 nuclear power was the primary source in
France
Use synonyms
. Among the five renewable energies, hydroelectricity was predominantly utilized in
France
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
Germany
Use synonyms
 heavily relied on biomass and wind. Looking at the pie chart in more detail,
Germany
Use synonyms
 produced a larger volume of
electricity
Use synonyms
, at 560 billion kWh, compared to
France
Use synonyms
 which generated 510 billion kWh. More than half of
electricity
Use synonyms
 in the former country was generated from conventional thermal
energy
Use synonyms
, which made up the largest proportion among the three sources, followed by nuclear
energy
Use synonyms
 at 23%.
However
Linking Words
, the opposite trend was observed in
France
Use synonyms
 where nuclear
energy
Use synonyms
 was the main source compared to the smallest amount generated from conventional thermal
energy
Use synonyms
. Both countries utilized nearly identical percentages of renewable
energy
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, accounting for 17.4% in
Germany
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 and 13.7% in
France
Use synonyms
. In more detail, biomass and wind power in
Germany
Use synonyms
 showed only a small gap in their percentages, constituting 39.3% and 36.9%, respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to
Germany
Use synonyms
, only insignificant amounts of aforementioned sources were used for
electricity
Use synonyms
 production in
France
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, at just 8.1% and 10.5% respectively,
while
Linking Words
 hydroelectricity was the dominant source at 80.5%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, energy, germany, france with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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