IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think it is better to have many short holidays during the years. Others believe it would be beneficial to have fewer longer vacation. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#people #holidays #years #vacation
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Holidays
Use synonyms
, whether long or short, are liked by every person around the globe.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
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 believe that fewer days of vacation is better as it helps to rejuvenate one's mental and physical health, some are of the opinion that long
vacations
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 are more advantageous because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 them with ample family
time
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. In my opinion, short
holidays
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 are beneficial because more
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number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
holidays
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 can make
people
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 lazy
as well as
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 feel boredom. It is commonly argued by many
people
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 that shorter
vacations
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 are more helpful as they think it enables them to regain their strength both physically and mentally.
Moreover
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, if the
number
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 of
off-days
Correct your spelling
off days
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 less,
people
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 will effectively utilize these days to carry out essential tasks in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 lives.
For instance
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, a survey conducted in the UK reveals that 60% of
people
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 living in London take short
vacations
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 and these
people
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 exhibited good mental and physical abilities compared to others who do not take
vacation
Fix the agreement mistake
vacations
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 or choose long
holidays
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.
Therfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
, considering these
apsects
Correct your spelling
aspects
, it is undeniable that short
vacations
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 are fruitful in all ways.
On the contrary
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,
vast
Add an article
the vast
show examples
 majority of individuals contend that longer
holidays
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 are better than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
shorter ones owing to the quality
time
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 they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 spend with their families.
Furthermore
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, these types of
vacations
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 are ideal for long trips, both local and international, which is the best way to strengthen the bond within
family
Add an article
the family
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.
For example
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, most families in the US
goes
Change the verb form
go
show examples
 for road trips during summer and spring breaks which helps them to experience joyful moments with their loved ones.
Thus
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, it is completely true that long
holidays
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enforces
Correct subject-verb agreement
enforce
show examples
 relationships among family members.
To conclude
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, taking
time
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 off from daily routine is an enjoyable activity for everyone irrespective of the
number
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 of days.
While
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 short
holidays
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enhances
Change the verb form
enhance
show examples
 mental and physical well-being in a short span of
time
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, long ones bind the families together.
Nevertheless
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, in my view, despite long
vacations
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has
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 several advantages, less
number
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 of
holidays
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 are more useful because the former may create a sense of laziness and boredom.
Submitted by gloriasherin on

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general
There are minor grammatical and spelling errors, such as 'thier' instead of 'their' and 'aspects' being misspelled as 'apsects'. Additionally, consider using more complex sentence structures to enhance the fluidity of the essay.
task achievement
Clearly elaborate on why more number of holidays can make people lazy and bored to further justify your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Smoothly transition between points to maintain coherence. For example, use transitional phrases like 'On one hand' and 'On the other hand' to improve the flow between contrasting ideas.
general
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Each view is presented thoroughly and objectively before detailing your opinion.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples, such as the survey conducted in the UK and road trips in the US, which makes the arguments more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Good logical structure and flow throughout the essay. Points are well-organized and easy to follow.
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