The chart below shows the percentage of men and women who did various free time activities in England.(VMN)

The chart below shows the percentage of men and women who did various free time activities in England.(VMN)
Presented for consideration is a bar chart depicting the proportion of individuals,
in
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of
show examples
both genders, doing different activities during
the
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their
show examples
leisure
time
in England.
Overall
most of
mentioned
Add an article
the mentioned
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activities were done more by
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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than
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
, with the exception
with
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of
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shopping and spending
time
with family,
in
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apply
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which more
women
did than men.
In addition
, the majority of English, for both sexes, chose to watch TV in
the
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their
show examples
free
time
,
while
the opposite was true for playing computer games. Looking at the first four sectors in the chart in
further
detail, it is apparent that watching TV was the most popular choice among seven referred enterprises, whose figures were both merely over three quarters.
Following
this
was spending
time
with family, where
women
accounted for approximately 77%, around 1% higher than men which was about 76%. Doing exercise and reading had the percentages from 75% downward, particularly 75% accurately of the total number of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
and around 73% of
women
deciding to do sport to kill the free
time
, and respectively 74% and 72% pertaining to reading.
Regard
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With regard
show examples
to shopping, a large number of
female
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females
show examples
went shopping in their leisure
time
, recording at merely
beneath
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below
show examples
75%;
whereas
Correct article usage
the male’s
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male’s
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male
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figure was just about 26%, nearly a third of
Correct article usage
the female’s
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female’s
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females
show examples
. Turning to
two
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the two
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remaining categories, the disparities
is
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are
show examples
less significant. As only around a tenth of men and 15% of
women
opted for enjoying computer games, playing computer games was considered
as
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apply
show examples
the lowest category compared to others. Regarding using the Internet, there was approximately 74% of males
choosing
Wrong verb form
chose
show examples
this
kind of entertainment, nearly twice
higher
Rephrase
as much
show examples
than
Change preposition
as
show examples
females, which was just about 32%.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words time, women with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "just about" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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