Modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduced number of time people spend seeing their friends. This has had a negative effect on their social lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree
With the advancement of technology ,
people
use virtual ways of communication and spend less time with their friends and family members on
face-to-face meetings.Change preposition
in
This
trend brings some positive as well as
some negative effects on social
lives of individuals.I completely agree with the statement but it has more merits than demerits .The following essay will discuss it Correct article usage
the social
with
Change preposition
in
details
.
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
Firstly
,this
mode of communication increases the
globalisation ,Correct article usage
apply
people
can contact anywhere in the world and develope
business relations in different countries,because modern modes of Correct your spelling
develop
developed
comminucation
make it easy to import and export products.Correct your spelling
communication
For example
, the purchaser is able to review the products online through video calls or pictures within seconds.As a result
,it is benifical
for Correct your spelling
beneficial
national
economy.Add an article
the national
Moreover
,it promotes cultures of nations ,such
as people
from different nations can communicate with eachother
and share their cultural norms.Correct your spelling
each other
Additionally
, individuals who lives
in foreign countries are able to talk with their family and friends through emails or video calls.
Change the verb form
live
On the other hand
,pupils spend more time in front of computers ,laptops or mobile phones that
is harmful Correct pronoun usage
which
for
their health ,Change the preposition
to
such
as blue light damages visual nervers
Correct your spelling
nerves
servers
as well as
disrupt
Correct subject-verb agreement
disrupts
intelluctual
abilities of the young generation.Correct your spelling
intellectual
Furthermore
,people
spend more time sitting in front of modern gadgets,and do less physical activities as a result
,becoming obese,less Sun exposure cause
Replace the word
causes
osteoprosis
and living alone leads to mental disturbance and stress.Correct your spelling
osteoporosis
People
are able to communicate through text messages but when meet physically they are unable to express their emotions ,that
leads to depression,but Correct pronoun usage
which
this
can be controlled by using this
technology wisely .
To conclude
,although
modern technology has negative impacts on social
relations of Correct article usage
the social
public
,these can be overcome by using it wisely.Correct article usage
the public
Furthermore
,it is able to promote economy
through international relations and local business ,Correct article usage
the economy
cultural
norms Correct word choice
and cultural
by
diverse communication .It has more positive outcomes than disadvantages.Change preposition
through
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task achievement
While your introduction does well to outline your stance and the direction of the essay, it could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that summarizes the main points you will discuss.
task achievement
There are occasional spelling and grammatical errors (e.g., 'benifical' should be 'beneficial'), which could be distracting and might affect the clarity of your ideas. Proofreading can help reduce such errors.
coherence cohesion
Try to use varied and more sophisticated vocabulary and sentence structures to make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher command of the language.
coherence cohesion
Better organization of your paragraphs is needed. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea that is clearly stated at the beginning and supported with relevant examples. Ensure smooth transitions between the ideas.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of modern communication methods. This shows a mature understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay concludes effectively by summarizing the key points and reiterating your stance on the issue, which provides a clear and satisfying end to your argument.