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Band 5.5

Nowadays, some employers think that formal academic qualifications are more important than life experience or personal qualities when they look for new employees. What extend do you agree or disagree?

#employers #qualifications #life #qualities #employees
It is widely believed that several employers favour applicants who have academic qualifications over those with
experience
. The writer of
this
 essay strongly agrees with
this
 notion because it demonstrates the specialized knowledge and persistence of candidates. To commence with,
personal
Correct article usage
the personal
show examples
 abilities of
employees
 can be
showed
Change the form of the verb
shown
show examples
 specifically in their certificates .
In other words
,
employees
 with formal education
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
 usually have intensive knowledge and skills which relevant to their fields.
As a result
, these kinds of workers are the potential contributors who can gain more opportunities
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 success for their company than those who just have
experience
.
For example
, in Vietnam, where 35% of firms in 2021 preferred to recruit candidates with good degrees,
this
 practice
also
 contributed to a 25% increase in their success rate
Moreover
,
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
persistence is the prime factor that can elevate the significance of
Correct your spelling
formal
fomal
Correct your spelling
formal
 qualifications
Change preposition
from
show examples
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the employers' viewpoint. To be more specific, because applicants used to
experience
 challenges and difficulties in the process of gaining certificates, they are
also
 solid and studious in their tasks.
Consequently
, they will become
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
industrialized workers who can solve the assignments in effective and swift ways.
For instance
, in 2019, the highly successful company Apple accepted 20,000 new
employees
 who had studied at Harvard.
This
 selection was based on the reputation of Harvard graduates for their dedication, as many of them studied for more than 6 hours per day.
Thus
, preferring formal academic qualifications
also
 helps employers have illiterate and hard-working
employees
 for their company.
Hence
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
educational certificates are more vital than personal qualities and
experience
 when
applying
Add the preposition
applying for
show examples
 jobs.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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grammar
Ensure all sentences are grammatically correct and free of typos; for example, 'formals qualifications' should be 'formal qualifications', and 'personal abilities of employees can be showed' should be 'personal abilities of employees can be shown.' Careful proofreading can help.
examples
The essay provides relevant examples, but more specific data or case studies would strengthen the argument further. Try to include more detailed examples where possible.
coherence
Enhance the transition between paragraphs to make the flow of ideas smoother. For instance, consider starting the second paragraph with a more explicit link to the previous one.
ideas
The essay presents clear, comprehensive ideas relevant to the topic.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented and adequately summarize the main points.
examples
The examples used are relevant and illustrate the main points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Formal academic qualifications
  • Life experience
  • Personal qualities
  • Competency
  • Unique perspective
  • Innovative problem-solving skills
  • Resilience
  • Communication skills
  • Teamwork
  • Educational background
  • Practical skills
  • Guaranteed level of knowledge
What to do next:
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