IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart clearly shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and
women
Use synonyms
 of different employment statuses. Where the
X- axis
Correct your spelling
X-axis
show examples
 shows the employment status and Y-
Correct article usage
the axis
show examples
axis
Correct your spelling
Y-axis
show examples
 shows the number of people employed . To commence with , It is crystal clear that the male who was employed
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
 were around 45
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
while
Linking Words
 the
women
Use synonyms
 were less employed with 39
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 moving on to the part-time time status men were not employed
while
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 were employed at 40 per cent.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, The unemployed ratio was seen more in males which was 85
percent
Use synonyms
 compared to
women
Use synonyms
 which was 79
percent
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the retired male was 83
percent
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 were 79
percent
Use synonyms
 . Talking about the housewives were at 50
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the
Housewifes
Correct your spelling
Housewives
 ratio was more as compared to employed part-time working
women
Use synonyms
 .
And the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
 ratio of men was seen as more unemployed as compared to
women
Use synonyms
 .

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the ninth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure time
  • employment status
  • full-time employment
  • part-time employment
  • unemployed
  • retired
  • housewives
  • gender comparison
  • notable differences
  • allocate time
  • trend analysis
  • work-life balance
  • time management
  • societal norms
  • economic factors
  • gender-specific trends
  • employment transition
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