The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart clearly shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and
women
of different employment statuses. Where the X- axis
shows the employment status and Y- Correct your spelling
X-axis
Correct article usage
the axis
axis
shows the number of people employed .
To commence with , It is crystal clear that the male who was employed Correct your spelling
Y-axis
full time
were around 45 Add a hyphen
full-time
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
while
the women
were less employed with 39
percent
. Change the spelling
per cent
While
moving on to the part-time time status men were not employed while
women
were employed at 40 per cent. Furthermore
, The unemployed ratio was seen more in males
which was 85 percent
compared to women
which was 79 percent
. Moreover
, the retired male was 83 percent
and women
were 79 percent
. Talking about the housewives were at 50 percent
.
Change the spelling
per cent
To sum up
, the Housewifes
ratio was more as compared to employed part-time working Correct your spelling
Housewives
women
.And the
ratio of men was seen as more unemployed as compared to Correct word choice
The
women
.Submitted by oshin.ambekar5 on
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the ninth paragraph.
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