The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart clearly shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and
women
of different employment statuses. Where the
X- axis
Correct your spelling
X-axis
show examples
shows the employment status and Y-
Correct article usage
the axis
show examples
axis
Correct your spelling
Y-axis
show examples
shows the number of people employed . To commence with , It is crystal clear that the male who was employed
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
were around 45
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
while
the
women
were less employed with 39
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
While
moving on to the part-time time status men were not employed
while
women
were employed at 40 per cent.
Furthermore
, The unemployed ratio was seen more in males which was 85
percent
compared to
women
which was 79
percent
.
Moreover
, the retired male was 83
percent
and
women
were 79
percent
. Talking about the housewives were at 50
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
To sum up
, the
Housewifes
Correct your spelling
Housewives
ratio was more as compared to employed part-time working
women
.
And the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
ratio of men was seen as more unemployed as compared to
women
.
Submitted by oshin.ambekar5 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words women, percent with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the ninth paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure time
  • employment status
  • full-time employment
  • part-time employment
  • unemployed
  • retired
  • housewives
  • gender comparison
  • notable differences
  • allocate time
  • trend analysis
  • work-life balance
  • time management
  • societal norms
  • economic factors
  • gender-specific trends
  • employment transition
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