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Band 4.5

The graphs below compare the number of cosmetic procedures performed on males and females in Korea in 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below compare the number of cosmetic procedures performed on males and females in Korea in 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#graphs #procedures #males #females #korea #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The table chart
illustrates
Verb problem
apply
show examples
compare
Correct subject-verb agreement
compares
show examples
 the account of cosmetic
procedures
 performed on both genders in Korea in 2004.
Overall
, all types of
procedures
 do not reach 60%.
Additionally
, facelt type surgery and abdominoplasty are unloved cosmetic
procedures
 around the country so they are in the latest places.
While
 the hire transition is prevalent. Looking at the details, we can find out that the most number of participants have issues with baldness so hair transplantation is the most common process in Korea with 60%.
As well as
 laser skin resurfacing which
also
 has a
widespeared
Correct your spelling
widespread
wide speared
 tendency among citizens with 55%.
On the other hand
, proponents of face surgery and abdominoplasty are significantly less than in other categories ,
therefore
,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 quantity of
such
 cosmetological
procedures
 is approximately 17%. Despite
this
, on average 40% of the whole population undergoes
apply
Verb problem
apply
show examples
rhinoplasty
Submitted by kajratakeev69 on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words procedures with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cosmetic procedures
  • males
  • females
  • Korea
  • 2004
  • compare
  • contrast
  • most common
  • least common
  • significant trends
  • patterns
  • popularity
  • specific procedures
  • differences
  • number of procedures
  • data
  • general comparison
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