Some say that it would be better if the majority of employees worked from instead of travelling to a workplace every day. Dou you think advantages of working from outweigh the disadvantages?

There is a controversial debate over the matter if workers are better
to work
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off working
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remotely or
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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should be present at
office
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the office
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. Many people argue that working from home is advantageous;
however
, I hold the conviction that there are
also
some demerits. On the one hand, there is a widely held belief that remote working can give
employees
freedom.
This
is to say, many workers may accomplish their tasks and their remaining time can be dedicated to learning new skills or expanding the previous ones. The other probable influencing factor might be enhancing the productivity of workers.
In other words
,
employees
do not feel obliged to travel to their workplaces;
consequently
, they strive to finalize their tasks completely and without any errors, which leads to a higher proficiency. Staff in Microsoft,
for instance
, has been working remotely two days per week since 2021; interestingly,
according to
a survey conducted in
this
company,
job
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the job
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satisfaction rate has grown
up
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apply
show examples
by 40 percent.
However
, many think that
employees
who are allowed to work remotely might underperform as there is no strict supervision
on
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of
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their function.
Therefore
, companies might face some harmful consequences
as a result
of their
employees
' malfunctions. The other demerit of remote working
that is
worth considering is that it can bring about social isolation, meaning that individuals who do not go to their workplaces have
less
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fewer
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interactions with other people leading to depression, weaker social connections, and several
behavioral
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behavioural
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problems. During the COVID-19 pandemic,
according to
research, the rate of depression among
employees
increased by about 60
percent
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per cent
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.
Employees
reported that their daily chat with their colleagues used to play a motivating role
whereas
after
lock-down
Correct your spelling
lockdown
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they significantly felt isolated. In conclusion, after considering both viewpoints, I am inclined to believe that,
although
working from can offer more freedom, being present at
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
can cause people to stay more active and enthusiastic to continue their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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.
Submitted by mojgan.sobhani on

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear, but you may want to refine your thesis statement to more clearly define your position on the issue of remote work versus in-office work. This could enhance your clarity and precise focus from the outset.
coherence cohesion
In your body paragraphs, ensure each main point is clearly linked to the central argument. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, to further enhance cohesion.
language
Pay attention to minor grammatical inaccuracies and word choices to ensure polished and precise language use throughout your essay.
task achievement
You presented a balanced discussion, covering both the advantages and disadvantages of working remotely, which showcases your ability to think critically and provide a comprehensive response.
task achievement
You supported your points with specific examples, improving the relevancy and strength of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured with clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. This aids readability and coherence.
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