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Writing Samples
Band 5

The table below shows information about the population of New Zealand from 2011 to 2012 by age group.

The table below shows information about the population of New Zealand from 2011 to 2012 by age group.
#information #population #zealand #age #group
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Contained in the table is information pertaining to New Zealand’s
population
Use synonyms
 in two specific
years
Use synonyms
 2011 and 2012, broken down by
age
Use synonyms
 group.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
population
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 aged over 40
years
Use synonyms
 old increased,
while
Linking Words
 those
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 aged under 40
years
Use synonyms
 old saw a decrease.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the 15 to 39
age
Use synonyms
 group made up the majority of the New Zealand
population
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the opposite was true for those above 65
age
Use synonyms
 group. Beginning
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
age
Use synonyms
 groups saw an increase in their
population
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 aged from 40 to 64
years
Use synonyms
 old increased by 0,6% from 1.331.907 to 1.339.898
people
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.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 aged over 65
years
Use synonyms
 old experienced the most significant increase in the table (4%) to 596.903 from 573.946
people
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, contributing to the 0.6% increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
New
Correct article usage
the New
show examples
 Zealand
population
Use synonyms
 from 4.381.269 to 4.410.284
people
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. Turning to the remaining
age
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 groups,
people
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 aged under 15 saw a 0.2% decrease to 896.364 from 898.160
people
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. Concurrently, the 15 to 39
age
Use synonyms
 group’s
population
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 declined from 1.557.256 to 1.574.102
people
Use synonyms
.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, years, age, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 5 times.
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