IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Other believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give yout opinion

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification #yout
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A number of university students are interested in taking optional courses
beside
Replace the word
besides
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 their main ones.
While
Linking Words
 the rest believe that all their time and attention should be spent focusing on what is primary.
Variety
Correct article usage
A variety
show examples
knowledge
Change preposition
of knowledge
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 would be beneficial for those who want to pursue a generalist career.
Change preposition
On
show examples
In
Change preposition
On
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 the opposite, being a specialist would require a deeper understanding
Change preposition
of
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
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 a specific discipline. In my
oppinion
Correct your spelling
opinion
, it would be more strategic and easier to do the former one.
Firstly
Linking Words
, focusing all the efforts only
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a certain subject
while
Linking Words
 being a university student may help us get a degree with an outstanding score. That would be great because many companies still put standards on GPA when hiring new talents. But, the journey doesn't stop there, many challenges that may require
interdiciplinary
Correct your spelling
interdisciplinary
 knowledge will be waiting in the work fields. Students that aware of the skill sets inquired by the workplace, will notice the necessity of learning other subjects.
For instance
Linking Words
, my nephew, who just graduated
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
architecture
Correct article usage
an architecture
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 major, had taken communication classes because he knew that social skills would be beneficial for delivering plans to clients. Sometimes, we
also
Linking Words
 find challenges at work that can only be tackled by having a creative approach
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 problem-solving. Actually,
this
Linking Words
 creativity can be sharpened by learning various lessons. In conclusion, focusing ourselves
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a certain field may be beneficial to some
extents
Fix the agreement mistake
extent
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, but everything in
this
Linking Words
 world is run in a systematic way, which means integrated knowledge will be needed. So, I highly recommend taking extra courses
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the university.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
The essay needs a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to provide a roadmap for the reader. For example, more explicitly stating your position would help. You can say something like, 'In my opinion, although focusing on a primary subject has its benefits, learning additional subjects can provide crucial skills for career success.'
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs need to have clearer topic sentences and be more cohesive. You might want to ensure that each paragraph focuses explicitly on a single idea and includes a topic sentence that outlines the main point of the paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
To further support your main points, you could add more detailed examples and evidence. For instance, you provided one example of your nephew, but additional examples from different fields would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Try to use more variety in sentence structure and vocabulary to make the essay more engaging and to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument clearly, which is important for this type of essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarized the main points of the essay and reiterated your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You have a solid structure for your essay, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in presenting your ideas clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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