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Band 4

Many people have different opinions about school education. The most of them think academic subjects are more useful than subjects like music and sport. To my mind, academic subjects are good for young people. So I agree this view.

#people #school #education #subjects #music #sport #mind
Many
people
 have different opinions about school education.
The most
Correct article usage
Most
show examples
 of them think academic subjects are more useful than subjects like music and sport. To my mind, academic subjects are good for young
people
. So I
agree
Add the preposition
agree on
agree to
agree with
show examples
this
 view. Nowadays a lot of rich
people
held
Wrong verb form
hold
show examples
 their weddings
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
very luxurious. I think
this
 is wrong because luxurious weddings cause excessive waste.
Development
Correct article usage
The development
show examples
 of industry
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
 climate
changes
Fix the agreement mistake
change
show examples
 and pollution and they affect all the
people
 in the world. In my opinion, we can solve
this
 problem by reducing production.
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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coherence cohesion
Provide a clear thesis statement and ensure each paragraph supports this thesis. Avoid adding unrelated topics within the same essay.
task achievement
Expand on each of your main points with detailed arguments and relevant examples.
task achievement
You have a good start with stating your opinion clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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