IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Task 1: The figure shows demographic trends in Scotland. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features. Write at least 150 words.

#figure #trends #scotland #summarise #information #features
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph illustrates some demographic trends in Scotland regarding birth
rate
Use synonyms
,
population
Use synonyms
growth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 and
death
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the census
date
Correct your spelling
data
show examples
 has been collected in a period of 80 years, from 1940 to 2020. It is referred from the figure that Scotland's
population
Use synonyms
 is decreasing at a remarkable
rate
Use synonyms
. In the first place, the birth
rate
Use synonyms
 and the
population
Use synonyms
growth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 shared some similar patterns throughout the given time. Those two factors both fluctuated a lot in the
firts
Correct your spelling
first
 30-year stage before being on a decrease over the rest of the period. To make it clear, the
population
Use synonyms
growth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 peaked at around 1.5% in the 1950s
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but fell dramatically to 0% when the 21st century came, and
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
 to
experienced
Change the verb
experience
show examples
 negative
growth
Use synonyms
.
Likewise
Linking Words
, the birth
rate
Use synonyms
 used to be much above 1% in the previous century but has
kept
Verb problem
remained
show examples
 stable at only 1% nowadays. Turning to some other features of the
death
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 in Scotland, a relatively contradictory tendency is revealed. To be specific, the
death
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 reached a peak at 1.5% in 1940 before declining significantly to around 0.4%. It
then
Linking Words
 varied from 0.4% to 0.2% over a 50-year period. These days, the
death
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 has been on a noticeable rise to a new record, nearly 1% afterwards.
Submitted by thuhong.68hnue on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

clear comprehensive ideas
Consider enhancing the clarity of your ideas by avoiding minor grammatical errors, such as consistent tense usage and minor spelling mistakes.
logical structure
To improve the logical structure, ensure that transitions between paragraphs and ideas are smooth. Use more linking phrases to guide the reader clearly through your argument or description.
complete response
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt and covers all key trends and data shown in the graph.
relevant specific examples
You effectively support your main points with specific data from the graph, making your arguments convincing.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion, helping readers to follow your thoughts easily.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: