The US film industry has too much influence on the film industry around the world. Governments have a duty to invest money in their own film industries to protect and develop their cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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The dominant
film
industry in the world is
American
. Some
people
see
this
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
a bad thing and think that governments should invest money in their
film
industries to protect and develop their
culture
. I would agree with
this
to an extent
however
I
also
think there are advantages to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
American
films
. The problem with
American
films
is the
culture
there is in them. Many
people
see
American
films
and want to act in the same
way
and look the same as the stars. Many
people
have the same
American
values and
want
Add the particle
want to
show examples
wear the same clothes.
This
is a problem because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some traditional values and customs are
losing
Wrong verb form
lost
show examples
in different countries. Sometimes
American
studios make movies about other
countrys
Change noun form
countrys'
country's
show examples
history and they change the stories. That
way
young
people
believe them and forget their real history and
culture
.
For
this
reason
Add a comma
reason,
show examples
some
people
say that governments should invest money in
film
industries in their country
On the other hand
,
American
films
are seen by
people
all over the world. The
film
studios have very much money that they use to make spectacle
films
. The
films
look amazing on screen and
wacthing
Correct your spelling
watching
them is a
way
of
escape
Wrong verb form
escaping
show examples
from your life for a short time.
Furthermore
, many
people
get exposed to English through
American
films
and it can help
people
learn. In conclusion, I think that there are some advantages to Hollywood
films
. They are amazing to see in cinemas and exciting for everybody. But ,
films
are a good
way
for keeping
Change preposition
to keep
show examples
culture
and it is good for
people
to see different
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
in
films
.
Submitted by bhavifasai on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the task, but there are a few areas where the response could be more complete. More detailed examples and elaboration on points made would strengthen the argument.
task achievement
The ideas are generally clear but could benefit from more precise vocabulary and varied sentence structures. Pay attention to grammatical accuracy to improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, but transitions between ideas could be smoother. Linking words and phrases can help achieve this.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph introduces and develops a single idea. This will help improve the coherence and flow of the essay.
task achievement
The writer presents both sides of the argument, acknowledging the influence of American films and the need for governments to invest in their own film industries.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, giving the essay a complete structure.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Americanisation
  • Cultural imperialism
  • Local cinema
  • Cultural diversity
  • Cultural homogenization
  • Film subsidies
  • National identity
  • Artistic expression
  • Blockbusters
  • Cultural preservation
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