IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender?

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Usually,
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
are having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 dissimilar
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
strengths and weaknesses. Some people believe that
defined
Correct article usage
the defined
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
positions of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work might separate
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fellow and women. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will write my opinion. Today, gender balance in the companies
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
improved success, but some
jobs
Use synonyms
required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
 strong physical activities and sometimes need to quickly decide some troubles.
How
Correct word choice
As
show examples
 we know from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
Use synonyms
men
Use synonyms
 have a more physically strong power than female and women have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
a define task
define tasks
show examples
define
Replace the word
defined
show examples
 tasks by
created
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
Use synonyms
, which they are have some advantages in some
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 than
men
Use synonyms
. Following that, some professions like
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
mechanic
Fix the agreement mistake
mechanics
show examples
, production field operators
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to include
Use synonyms
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
 power. Because of
this
Linking Words
, as mentioned
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
jobs
Use synonyms
required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more power and fast
deciding
Replace the word
decisions
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
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 certain activities.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in traditions of the some nations
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 don't have any
permissions
Fix the agreement mistake
permission
show examples
for doing
Change preposition
to do
show examples
 some
jobs
Use synonyms
, it might
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
depend on traditions or
religions
Replace the word
religious
show examples
 views. But it
not
Add a missing verb
does not
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 interfere
for choose
Change preposition
with choosing
show examples
 some
jobs
Use synonyms
, because in the world day to day male and female balance increasing and some countries give the
permissions
Fix the agreement mistake
permission
show examples
for example
Linking Words
,
drive
Fix the infinitive
to drive
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 a car,
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 any physically and psychologically loaded
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
than
Replace the word
then
show examples
 it was earlier.
To sum up
Linking Words
, by experiences in the world we see that
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in some aspects better than
men
Use synonyms
, and after
sometime
Replace the word
some time
show examples
 in the world gender balance will
be have
Change the verb form
have
show examples
90
Correct article usage
a 90
show examples
 % result. But
remaining
Correct article usage
the remaining
show examples
 10% of the
jobs
Use synonyms
 will be done by
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
Use synonyms
 created
Correct quantifier usage
more powerfully
show examples
powerfully
Change the word
powerful
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 than women, we couldn't fool
nature
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay should have a clear thesis statement in the introduction to guide the reader on what to expect. Additionally, each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence.
task achievement
Strengthen your arguments with specific examples and evidence. This will help support your main points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your essay by ensuring each idea connects smoothly to the next. Try using transitional phrases.
coherence cohesion
Your essay needs a stronger and clearer conclusion. Summarize the key points you've made and restate your position clearly.
task achievement
Make sure to fully develop your ideas. Some points are mentioned but not fully explored. Try to elaborate more on each argument.
task achievement
You have a clear stance and make an effort to support it.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and attempts to cover various aspects of the topic.
coherence cohesion
You have an introduction and a conclusion, which helps in structuring your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender stereotypes
  • societal views
  • inherent biases
  • professional capabilities
  • gender inclusivity
  • equal opportunities
  • diversity
  • unique perspectives
  • physical attributes
  • psychological attributes
  • workplace adaptations
  • modern advancements
  • legal frameworks
  • gender discrimination
  • ethical implications
  • career opportunities
  • case studies
  • real-world examples
  • traditionally dominated
  • successful outcomes
  • atypical roles
What to do next:
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