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Writing Samples
Band 8

The chart and graph below give information about three categories of workers in Australia and the unemployment levels within those groups.

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The pie graph gives information about the proportion of employees in
Australia
Use synonyms
 by where they were born. The line chart illustrates the unemployment rate in three groups of people from 1993 to 2003.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that native Australians account for the largest percentage. People from non-English-speaking countries(NESC) showed the highest unemployment rate over the period of ten years. Looking at the pie, it can be observed that the figure for NESC and people from English-speaking countries (ESC) was identical at 14% and 10% respectively. Workers born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 took up the largest proportion with around
three-quarter
Fix the agreement mistake
three-quarters
show examples
 of the pie. Turning to the unemployment rate in
Australia
Use synonyms
, it is evident that both three groups fell over the period of 10 years. In NESC, it started at 8%,
fell
Correct word choice
and fell
show examples
 to 4% in 2003. In
Australia
Use synonyms
 and the ESC group,
this
Linking Words
 number started from 4% the decreased to 2% in 2003.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words australia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
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