Many people work long hour, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?
No one can deny the importance of
career
in our Add an article
a career
life
. Particularly, work is the main source Fix the agreement mistake
lives
for
our income and most of necessitates. Lots of people are forced to operate more than normal working hours to Change preposition
of
provide
their living standards, and there is no doubt that it will reduce their free Verb problem
meet
time
. I feel regarding this
point that there are pros and cons which they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
would
be covered in Wrong verb form
will
this
essay.
In regards to the advantages, working for a long time
has detrimental effects on both the employee's health and leisure activities. The worker's health reduces over time
due to
the stress of labor
. Change the spelling
labour
For example
; if the nature of the work requires to
keep focusing on a computer screen, you will lose your sightedness gradually. If the occupation duties need physical Correct pronoun usage
you to
efforts
, you will be facing Fix the agreement mistake
effort
utmost
problems related to your health. If the job description informs you to use your mental side, you will have a headache. Correct article usage
the utmost
However
, it is obligatory for most of
individuals to work for long hours to cover their costs, Change preposition
apply
this
would prevent them to spend
moments with their children.
Change preposition
from spending
On the other hand
, we can ignore the drawbacks of a
lengthily-operated employment by having the ability to earn our livelihood preference. People argue over Remove the article
apply
this
point by splitting into two teams, the first team discusses the obligation of working a lot, and the second group sees that doing your job for a lengthy time
is unworkable and pointless. The first team supports its own idea by reporting that providing the main costs is too important for the prosperity of life.
To summarize this
argument, working for a long time
, and having no time
leisure activities have their merits and demerits, but their disadvantages would be likely more than expected.Submitted by Mido on
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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve your score, focus on refining the logical structure of your essay. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, and consider organizing your thoughts more clearly to make your arguments easier to follow.
Task Response
While you have provided some relevant examples, they could be more specific and detailed. Also, ensure that your examples directly support your main points. Aim to clearly articulate each idea, avoiding generalizations.
Language
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and more varied sentence structures to demonstrate your language proficiency. Be careful with grammatical accuracy as well, as minor errors can sometimes confuse the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion and clearly presents the topic.
Task Response
You maintain a good focus on the topic throughout the essay, and the conclusion directly addresses the prompt by summarizing your stance.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite