IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think secondary school students should study international news as one of their subjects, while others believe that this is a waste of valuable school time. Discuss both of these views and give your opinion.

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There are differing views regarding whether global
news
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 should be made a subject in secondary schools or not. In my view, making international headlines as a required subject in school is worth
this
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, because it could ignite motivation for students’
future
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 excellence. Nowadays, many technologies are developing day by day and
also
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 global
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news'
Change noun form
news
show examples
 expansion
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 increasing. studying
news
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 around the world has the power to motivate
future
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 excellence in students. When schools make international
news
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 a required subject in school, they will exposed to headlines that shape the world today and inspire them to
also
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 make meaningful contributions in the
future
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.
For example
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, entrepreneur Jeff Bezos built a company,
the
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apply
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Blue Origin, and launched a rocket to space, He was inspired because he saw the
news
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 of the first man who landed on the moon when he was a child.
On the other hand
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, certain fields of study might not need a deeper understanding of international matters.
Moreover
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, they will able to acquire
such
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 information independently,
thus
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a
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apply
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dedicated time at school is urgently not needed.
For instance
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, students who aspire to be scientists get more benefits by spending their time in  laboratories
instead
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 of reading and discussing political issues unrelated to their
future
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 careers.
Therefore
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, dedicated
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
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 merely to discuss worldwide issues
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not universally pivotal because that information will not be needed to help them become science experts. In conclusion,
although
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 studying international
news
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 is a waste
time
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of time
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,
this
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 helps students' worldwide
expending
Correct your spelling
expenses
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 and they are aware
world
Change preposition
of world
show examples
news
Use synonyms

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task achievement
Your essay adequately addresses the task and presents both views, but your arguments need more development and support. Make sure to provide well-rounded examples and evidence to back up your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay in a more logical structure. Ensure that each paragraph presents a clear main idea and that your points flow smoothly from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Your essay should have clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to help guide the reader through your argument. This will improve the coherence of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion needs to restate the main points of your essay more clearly and directly address the arguments made. A stronger concluding statement will make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
Be careful with grammatical errors and word choice. For instance, “school is worth this” should be “school is worth it,” and “exposed to headlines” should be “exposed to the headlines.” These small errors can affect the clarity of your argument.
task achievement
Your essay does a good job of considering both sides of the argument. This demonstrates a balanced approach to the task.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, offering a frame for your essay. This helps provide a clear structure to your writing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Global awareness
  • Critical thinking
  • Global citizenship
  • Cultural diversity
  • Communication skills
  • Historical context
  • World affairs
  • Academic subjects
  • Bias
  • Misinformation
  • Age-appropriate
  • Media literacy
  • Educational enrichment
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