These days in many countries people live longer time away of their family.whu this happens?what effescts this problem has on individuals and families?
Nowadays, the style of working can play a crucial in many aspects. In most of the country, many individuals live longer
far
from their family members. Correct word choice
and far
This
problems come from Change the determiner
These
the
society and their ambition. Correct article usage
apply
This
situation can have a negative effect on their health.
To begin
with, there are some reasons that people
live longer time
away of
their family.Change preposition
from
first
and foremost can be Capitalize word
First
realated
to Correct your spelling
related
the
society. because many Correct article usage
apply
people
get a few
money as salary during a month. Correct quantifier usage
little
that is
why, they have to work
from dawn to dusk to provide primary facilities for their family members, especially for their childerens
. Correct your spelling
children
children's
This
way, they work
very hard to make a lot of money and have a better
Correct the article-noun agreement
a better life
better lives
lives
. secondly
, a large number of individuals have a lof
of ambitions in their Correct your spelling
lot
lives
. in other words
, they have a great tendency to access all sort
of facilities in their Fix the agreement mistake
sorts
lives
ranging from, big
Correct article usage
a big
house
and new Fix the agreement mistake
houses
car
to Fix the agreement mistake
cars
cellphone
and Fix the agreement mistake
cellphones
laptop
. so, they prefer to Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
work
long
Correct article usage
a long
time
away of
their family till the day Change preposition
from
acheive
their desired goal in their Correct your spelling
achieve
lives
.
however
,this
style of working can have a negative effect on the people
over their lives
. firstly
, when people
work
from dawn to dusk to make a lot of mony
, Correct your spelling
money
that is
why they do not have any free time
to spend some funny
Correct word choice
fun
time
with family member
. so, they will be faced with many problems that the most common one is depression. Fix the agreement mistake
members
moreover
, having high
rate of ambition in Add an article
a high
the
life Correct article usage
apply
prevent
Correct subject-verb agreement
prevents
from
interacting with a large number of Correct pronoun usage
one from
people
to share ideas and communicate with them. this
strategy can cause isolation for people
do
not spend Correct pronoun usage
who do
time
with other people
.
in conclusion, it is true that the problem of live
longer Change the verb form
living
time
away of
their family will Change preposition
from
probebly
not be solved quickly. Correct your spelling
probably
this
is not reason
to avoid Add an article
a reason
solution
for Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
this
problems
.I think that Fix the agreement mistake
problem
people
provide opportunities for themselves to make Correct article usage
a balnce
balnce
in their Correct your spelling
balance
lives
between their work
and health.Submitted by salehmiri1995 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The essay should use more relevant and specific examples to better illustrate the points made. For instance, discussing specific career fields or cultural influences can help to provide depth to the arguments.
task achievement
Work on delivering ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Try to avoid overly long and complex sentences which might confuse readers. Simplify your points for better readability.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical structure and coherence by using transitional phrases and connectors to link ideas smoothly. For example, using words like 'consequently,' 'moreover,' and 'in addition' can improve flow.
coherence cohesion
Focus on reducing grammatical errors and improving sentence structure. Simple, clear, and grammatically correct sentences can enhance readability and coherence.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and provides relevant points that pertain to the issue of people living longer away from their families.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are present and give a good sense of the essay's main arguments.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?