IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

These days in many countries people live longer time away of their family.whu this happens?what effescts this problem has on individuals and families?

#countries #people #time #whu #effescts #individuals #families
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Nowadays, the style of working can play a crucial in many aspects. In most of the country, many individuals live longer
far
Correct word choice
and far
show examples
 from their family members.
This
Change the determiner
These
show examples
 problems come from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and their ambition.
This
 situation can have a negative effect on their health.
To begin
 with, there are some reasons that
people
 live longer
time
 away
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their family.
first
Capitalize word
First
show examples
 and foremost can be
realated
Correct your spelling
related
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. because many
people
 get a
few
Correct quantifier usage
little
show examples
 money as salary during a month.
that is
 why, they have to
work
 from dawn to dusk to provide primary facilities for their family members, especially for their
childerens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
.
This
 way, they
work
 very hard to make a lot of money and have
a better
Correct the article-noun agreement
a better life
better lives
show examples
lives
.
secondly
, a large number of individuals have a
lof
Correct your spelling
lot
show examples
 of ambitions in their
lives
.
in other words
, they have a great tendency to access all
sort
Fix the agreement mistake
sorts
show examples
 of facilities in their
lives
 ranging from,
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
 and new
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 to
cellphone
Fix the agreement mistake
cellphones
show examples
 and
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
show examples
. so, they prefer to
work
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
time
 away
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their family till the day
acheive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 their desired goal in their
lives
.
however
,
this
 style of working can have a negative effect on the
people
 over their
lives
.
firstly
, when
people
work
 from dawn to dusk to make a lot of
mony
Correct your spelling
money
,
that is
 why they do not have any free
time
 to spend some
funny
Correct word choice
fun
show examples
time
 with family
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
. so, they will be faced with many problems that the most common one is depression.
moreover
, having
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 rate of ambition in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
prevent
Correct subject-verb agreement
prevents
show examples
from
Correct pronoun usage
one from
show examples
 interacting with a large number of
people
 to share ideas and communicate with them.
this
 strategy can cause isolation for
people
do
Correct pronoun usage
who do
show examples
 not spend
time
 with other
people
. in conclusion, it is true that the problem of
live
Change the verb form
living
show examples
 longer
time
 away
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their family will
probebly
Correct your spelling
probably
 not be solved quickly.
this
 is not
reason
Add an article
a reason
show examples
 to avoid
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 for
this
problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
show examples
.I think that
people
 provide opportunities for themselves to make
Correct article usage
a balnce
show examples
balnce
Correct your spelling
balance
 in their
lives
 between their
work
 and health.
Submitted by salehmiri1995 on

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task achievement
The essay should use more relevant and specific examples to better illustrate the points made. For instance, discussing specific career fields or cultural influences can help to provide depth to the arguments.
task achievement
Work on delivering ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Try to avoid overly long and complex sentences which might confuse readers. Simplify your points for better readability.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical structure and coherence by using transitional phrases and connectors to link ideas smoothly. For example, using words like 'consequently,' 'moreover,' and 'in addition' can improve flow.
coherence cohesion
Focus on reducing grammatical errors and improving sentence structure. Simple, clear, and grammatically correct sentences can enhance readability and coherence.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and provides relevant points that pertain to the issue of people living longer away from their families.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are present and give a good sense of the essay's main arguments.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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