These days in many countries people live longer time away of their family.whu this happens?what effescts this problem has on individuals and families?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, the style of working can play a crucial in many aspects. In most of the country, many individuals live longer
far
Correct word choice
and far

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

show examples
from their family members.
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

This
Change the determiner
These

It appears that the singular demonstrative This is modifying the plural noun problems. Consider using a plural demonstrative or a singular noun instead.

show examples
problems come from
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
society and their ambition.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

situation can have a negative effect on their health.
To begin
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

with, there are some reasons that
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

live longer
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

away
of
Change preposition
from

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
their family.
first
Capitalize word
First

The word first should be capitalized in this context.

show examples
and foremost can be
realated
Correct your spelling
related

If you don’t want realated to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

to
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
society. because many
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

get a
few
Correct quantifier usage
little

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

show examples
money as salary during a month.
that is
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

why, they have to
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

from dawn to dusk to provide primary facilities for their family members, especially for their
childerens
Correct your spelling
children
children's

If you don’t want childerens to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

way, they
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

very hard to make a lot of money and have
a better
Correct the article-noun agreement
a better life
better lives

The indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun lives in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

show examples
lives
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a large number of individuals have a
lof
Correct your spelling
lot

The word lof doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
of ambitions in their
lives
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
in other words
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they have a great tendency to access all
sort
Fix the agreement mistake
sorts

It seems that sort may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
of facilities in their
lives
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

ranging from,
big
Correct article usage
a big

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses

It seems that house may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
and new
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars

It seems that car may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
to
cellphone
Fix the agreement mistake
cellphones

It seems that cellphone may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
and
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops

It seems that laptop may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
. so, they prefer to
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

long
Correct article usage
a long

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

away
of
Change preposition
from

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
their family till the day
acheive
Correct your spelling
achieve

If you don’t want acheive to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

their desired goal in their
lives
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
however
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

style of working can have a negative effect on the
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

over their
lives
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
firstly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, when
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

from dawn to dusk to make a lot of
mony
Correct your spelling
money

If you don’t want mony to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

,
that is
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

why they do not have any free
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to spend some
funny
Correct word choice
fun

There may be an adjective issue here.

show examples
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

with family
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members

It seems that member may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
. so, they will be faced with many problems that the most common one is depression.
moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, having
high
Add an article
a high

The noun phrase high rate seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
rate of ambition in
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
life
prevent
Correct subject-verb agreement
prevents

It seems that the verb prevent does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
from
Correct pronoun usage
one from

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
interacting with a large number of
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to share ideas and communicate with them.
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

strategy can cause isolation for
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

do
Correct pronoun usage
who do

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
not spend
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

with other
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. in conclusion, it is true that the problem of
live
Change the verb form
living

The verb live may be in the wrong form after the preposition of. Consider changing it to the gerund form.

show examples
longer
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

away
of
Change preposition
from

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
their family will
probebly
Correct your spelling
probably

If you don’t want probebly to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

not be solved quickly.
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is not
reason
Add an article
a reason

The noun phrase reason seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
to avoid
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions

It seems that solution may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
for
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem

It seems that problems may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
.I think that
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

provide opportunities for themselves to make
Correct article usage
a balnce
show examples
balnce
Correct your spelling
balance

If you don’t want balnce to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

in their
lives
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

between their
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and health.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay should use more relevant and specific examples to better illustrate the points made. For instance, discussing specific career fields or cultural influences can help to provide depth to the arguments.
task achievement
Work on delivering ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Try to avoid overly long and complex sentences which might confuse readers. Simplify your points for better readability.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical structure and coherence by using transitional phrases and connectors to link ideas smoothly. For example, using words like 'consequently,' 'moreover,' and 'in addition' can improve flow.
coherence cohesion
Focus on reducing grammatical errors and improving sentence structure. Simple, clear, and grammatically correct sentences can enhance readability and coherence.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and provides relevant points that pertain to the issue of people living longer away from their families.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are present and give a good sense of the essay's main arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: