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Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #tv #video #games #think #activities #child’s #health
In
this
 era, kids consume a lot of
entertainment
 media
such
 as TV and video games. I strongly agree with the point of view that getting children too much
entertainment
 can negatively affect children's mental health and their social life skills
due to
 its easy accessibility.
Firstly
, most of the young generation’s leisure activities are online media and spend most of their time in front of the screen,
this
 is the cause of many mental health problems,
for instance
 consuming other wealthy lifestyles or other’s success and compared to themself allow them to depression and low-self esteem which is people who
having
Change the form of the verb
have
show examples
 a poor sense of their value.
Additionally
, things that require changing focus frequently, like games, allow them to have a low attention span.
Moreover
, the more time children
use
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 the
entertainment
, the less time they spend in real life. It is clear from kids nowadays,
Correct word choice
that have
show examples
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 less opportunity to meet others face-to-face causes anxiety during conversations.
This
 will be
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 huge problem in the future because every career has to have communication skills and social skill are required. All in all, too much
entertainment
 can allow the young generation to have mental health issues like depression and
low-self esteem
Correct your spelling
low self-esteem
show examples
, even the most important skill as social
also
 has affected.
Submitted by wayu.chanpana on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is well-organized. For example, the body paragraphs should each deal with one point to avoid confusing the reader.
task achievement
Improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas by providing more concrete examples and elaborations. Expand on how certain aspects of entertainment media affect different areas of children's lives.
general
Work on varying your sentence structures and vocabulary to make your writing more engaging and dynamic. This will help maintain the reader's interest and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
task achievement
Avoid making generalizations without providing sufficient evidence. Statements like 'kids nowadays, have less opportunity to meet others face-to-face' should be supported with specific examples or data.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good framework for the arguments presented.
task achievement
The main points are relevant to the topic and are reasonably well-supported.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • exposure to violence
  • addiction
  • reduced physical activity
  • hand-eye coordination
  • strategic thinking
  • multitasking skills
  • moderation
  • parental guidance
  • balanced approach
  • screen time
  • social interaction
  • sense of community
  • social skills
  • social isolation
  • alternative activities
  • outdoor activities
  • family interaction
  • mental health issues
  • educational programs
  • problem-solving games
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