IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

That's no job positions are made specifically for men, and women are capable of any occupation. Do you agree or disagree?

#job #positions #men #women #occupation
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It’s
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 argued that no
job
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 positions are made specifically for
men
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, and
women
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 are capable of any occupation. I completely agree with
this
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 idea. Anyone who has the abilities and skills required can get the
job
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, and gender shouldn’t be an employment requirement companies ask for.
Firstly
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, there was a biased thought in society that
women
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are
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were
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 not competent to deal with certain work.
However
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, people now attach great importance to gender equality, and
it’s
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 time to shatter the stereotype. In my opinion,
although
Linking Words
men
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 are physically stronger than
women
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, it does not make
men
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 more dominant. Generally, current
job
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 requirements are related to educational background, practical skills,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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certifications, etc. Nowadays,
women
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 often work harder than
men
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 both in school and in the workplace, and they deserve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
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 opportunities in the market.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it would be wrong to state that
women
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 are not as smart as
men
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,
thus
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 they are not capable of the
job
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. There is no relationship between gender and intelligence, and
it’s
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 foolish and ignorant to suggest a correlation. Too many boys in China are overly confident when they lack the abilities and are not willing to work. They are just confident because they are boys and have been told how wonderful they are since they were little. In conclusion,
women
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 need to be treated equally in the workplace, and
it’s
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 significant progress for the whole society. A more egalitarian world will help people live without bias. Human beings will be grateful
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a healthy working environment.
Submitted by millstonelee on

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task achievement
Consider adding specific examples or evidence to support your arguments more robustly. For instance, referencing successful women in traditionally male-dominated fields could strengthen your point.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs to improve the flow of your essay. While your essay is generally coherent, a few areas could benefit from more seamless connections between points.
coherence cohesion
You have included a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are well-organized, and you have provided logical reasoning to support your viewpoint.
task achievement
You presented a complete and clear response to the essay question, addressing all parts of the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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