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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentageof water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. Summarise the information byselecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentageof water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. Summarise the information byselecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie graph illustrates a comparison between ‏ North
America
Use synonyms
 ,South
America
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,
Europe
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,
Africa
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 , Central
Asia
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 , and South East
Asia
Use synonyms
 in water used . The data are measured in percentages.
overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that using water in agriculture is the most popular compared to other uses in all countries except North
America
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 and
Europe
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which
Correct word choice
where
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 industrial use is more popular there.
Europe
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 and North
Africa
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 data are approximately the same. On the one hand, North
America
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 uses water as much as
Europe
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 at around 50% for industrial , about 14% for agricultural and less than 40% for industrial.with regard to South
Africa
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 , Agriculture is the highest at around three
quarter
Fix the agreement mistake
quarters
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while
Linking Words
 industrial is the lowest at just 10%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in domestic
use
Add a comma
use,
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 Southeast
Asia
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 and centre
Asia
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 exactly the same at 7%.
In addition
Linking Words
, Centre
Asia
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 has half of southeast
Asia
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 in industrial use at 6% , meanwhile, they have 81% and 88% respectively in agricultural.
Africa
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 had 84% in agricultural and 7% and 9% in industrial and domestic correspondingly

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words america, europe, africa, asia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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