Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduate get better job. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individual and society.

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Currently, many people have assumed that a
college
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education
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has
a
Correct article usage
the
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purpose of gaining a better occupation, which is the main goal of a
university
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.
However
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, other individuals believe that finishing a
university
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education
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has more
benefits
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not only to finding a better
job
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but
also
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to being a helpful person for themselves and citizens.
This
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essay will discuss both views, and I believe that
university
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education
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is beneficial for people and the community.
To begin
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with, it could be true that the goal of
university
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education
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is to help individuals
to
Verb problem
apply
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gain a better
job
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. There are several reasons to support these statements.
Firstly
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, the
university
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will release a certificate for them, because finished their
education
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Correct pronoun usage
which
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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will be proof that
someone
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has studied.
For instance
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, individuals who have certificates from a
university
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is
Verb problem
find it
show examples
easier to find good jobs because has proof to support their curriculum vitae.
Therefore
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, having a
university
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certificate helps
someone
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to
reach
Verb problem
get
show examples
a better
job
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.
Secondly
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, a
university
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education
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is able to place a person in the high qualification of company
job
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opportunities, because they understand the work through links with their major.
On the other hand
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, the community believe there are numerous
benefits
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to
university
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education
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not only for themselves but
also
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for citizens. Many
university
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graduates will back to
society
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able to be public figures in the village.
For instance
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,
someone
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who has
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college
Correct article usage
a college
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education
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background tends to
chosen
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be chosen
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by
society
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to be a leader of the youth, because
society
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assumes they have a lot of experience in
college
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.
Therefore
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, they are expected by
surroundings
Correct pronoun usage
their surroundings
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to be able to lead youth lives in a great way.
In addition
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,
university
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education
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has a positive impact on remote area
society
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because a lot of universities usually do activities in poor areas in order to teach, build, and guide remote area students,especially elementary school members.
Therefore
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, many students in rural areas get free
education
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from
college
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students which gives them more advantages. In my opinion, the advantages of a
university
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education
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are not only to help graduates get their dream jobs but
also
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for
society
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they feel the
benefits
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of
someone
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who has a
university
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education
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background.
To conclude
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, having a
university
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education
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background has more impact on
society
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, it means a
college
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education
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not only gifts graduates
benefits
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, despite surroundings
also
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benefit from them.
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences contribute to it. Avoid mixing different points in one paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Improve sentence structure and grammar to make your writing clearer and more cohesive. Simple errors like verb tense agreement and article usage can be improved.
task achievement
Use varied and sophisticated vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and write more complex sentences correctly to enhance your writing's overall quality.
task achievement
Develop your examples more to clearly demonstrate how they support your main points.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively serve their purpose.
task achievement
The essay responds to both sides of the argument and offers a personal opinion, which addresses the task fully.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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