Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduate get better job. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individual and society.

Currently, many people have assumed that a
college
education
has
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
purpose of gaining a better occupation, which is the main goal of a
university
.
However
, other individuals believe that finishing a
university
education
has more
benefits
not only to finding a better
job
but
also
to being a helpful person for themselves and citizens.
This
essay will discuss both views, and I believe that
university
education
is beneficial for people and the community.
To begin
with, it could be true that the goal of
university
education
is to help individuals
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
gain a better
job
. There are several reasons to support these statements.
Firstly
, the
university
will release a certificate for them, because finished their
education
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
will be proof that
someone
has studied.
For instance
, individuals who have certificates from a
university
is
Verb problem
find it
show examples
easier to find good jobs because has proof to support their curriculum vitae.
Therefore
, having a
university
certificate helps
someone
to
reach
Verb problem
get
show examples
a better
job
.
Secondly
, a
university
education
is able to place a person in the high qualification of company
job
opportunities, because they understand the work through links with their major.
On the other hand
, the community believe there are numerous
benefits
to
university
education
not only for themselves but
also
for citizens. Many
university
graduates will back to
society
able to be public figures in the village.
For instance
,
someone
who has
college
Correct article usage
a college
show examples
education
background tends to
chosen
Add a missing verb
be chosen
show examples
by
society
to be a leader of the youth, because
society
assumes they have a lot of experience in
college
.
Therefore
, they are expected by
surroundings
Correct pronoun usage
their surroundings
show examples
to be able to lead youth lives in a great way.
In addition
,
university
education
has a positive impact on remote area
society
because a lot of universities usually do activities in poor areas in order to teach, build, and guide remote area students,especially elementary school members.
Therefore
, many students in rural areas get free
education
from
college
students which gives them more advantages. In my opinion, the advantages of a
university
education
are not only to help graduates get their dream jobs but
also
for
society
they feel the
benefits
of
someone
who has a
university
education
background.
To conclude
, having a
university
education
background has more impact on
society
, it means a
college
education
not only gifts graduates
benefits
, despite surroundings
also
benefit from them.
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences contribute to it. Avoid mixing different points in one paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Improve sentence structure and grammar to make your writing clearer and more cohesive. Simple errors like verb tense agreement and article usage can be improved.
task achievement
Use varied and sophisticated vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and write more complex sentences correctly to enhance your writing's overall quality.
task achievement
Develop your examples more to clearly demonstrate how they support your main points.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively serve their purpose.
task achievement
The essay responds to both sides of the argument and offers a personal opinion, which addresses the task fully.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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