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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The line graph below gives information about the percentage of women aged 15-64 in employment between 2003 and 2009.

The line graph below gives information about the percentage of women aged 15-64 in employment between 2003 and 2009.
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The diagram given shows information about the proportion of
women
Use synonyms
 aged between 15 and 64 in employment in five different countries ( Iceland, Canada, Germany, Chile , and Turkey) from 2003 to 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is obvious that the percentage of working
women
Use synonyms
 increased gradually in Chile and Germany,
while
Linking Words
 in Iceland, it decreased.
In addition
Linking Words
, the figures for Turkey and Canada stayed approximately the same throughout. As can be seen, the proportion of working
women
Use synonyms
 in Chile stood at 30 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in the first
year
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 and gradually climbed to around 40 per
cent
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 in the next two years.
afther
Correct your spelling
after
 which it stayed at the same level (around 40 per
cent
Use synonyms
) from 2005 to 2009. Turning to the figures in Germany, it was a little bit less than 60 per
cent
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 in 2003 and it rose slowly to reach the highest point at roughly 70 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in the
last
Linking Words
year
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, When it comes to the proportion of
women
Use synonyms
 working in Iceland it was the highest during the whole period despite the slight drop from 80 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in the first
year
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 to a little bit less than that in the
last
Linking Words
year
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. Where Turkey and Canada are concerned, the figures fluctuated during the period given from roughly 25 and 70 per
cent
Use synonyms
 respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, cent, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • employment
  • trend
  • increase
  • decrease
  • fluctuation
  • analyze
  • overall
  • compare
  • implications
  • workforce
  • ages 15-64
  • data
  • rate
  • yearly changes
  • significant
  • stability
  • roles
  • factors
  • influenced
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