The line graph below gives information about the percentage of women aged 15-64 in employment between 2003 and 2009.

The line graph below gives information about the percentage of women aged 15-64 in employment between 2003 and 2009.
The diagram given shows information about the proportion of
women
aged between 15 and 64 in employment in five different countries ( Iceland, Canada, Germany, Chile , and Turkey) from 2003 to 2009.
Overall
, it is obvious that the percentage of working
women
increased gradually in Chile and Germany,
while
in Iceland, it decreased.
In addition
, the figures for Turkey and Canada stayed approximately the same throughout. As can be seen, the proportion of working
women
in Chile stood at 30 per
cent
in the first
year
and gradually climbed to around 40 per
cent
in the next two years.
afther
Correct your spelling
after
which it stayed at the same level (around 40 per
cent
) from 2005 to 2009. Turning to the figures in Germany, it was a little bit less than 60 per
cent
in 2003 and it rose slowly to reach the highest point at roughly 70 per
cent
in the
last
year
, When it comes to the proportion of
women
working in Iceland it was the highest during the whole period despite the slight drop from 80 per
cent
in the first
year
to a little bit less than that in the
last
year
. Where Turkey and Canada are concerned, the figures fluctuated during the period given from roughly 25 and 70 per
cent
respectively.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
Vocabulary: Replace the words women, cent, year with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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