When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#job #salary #consideration

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It is argued that individuals should give

prioirty

Correct your spelling

priority

salary

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when they choose different

jobs

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. From my perspective,

although

Linking Words

salary

Use synonyms

should be taken into

consideration

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, I do not think it is the most significant one. The main reason

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

why

people

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believe

salary

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the

Correct article usage

show examples

important

consideration

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concerning choosing

jobs

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is that they have to earn money to maintain their standards of living. It is widely known that only a

samll

Correct your spelling

small

portion of

people

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own the majority of property in

this

Linking Words

world, which means that most

indiviudals

Correct your spelling

individuals

are facing the situation

Change preposition

apply

show examples

being lack of money.

Consequently

Linking Words

, they have

limited

Add an article

a limited

show examples

budget to purchase goods even if those items are necessary for living. If they choose

jobs

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with low wages, they are highly likely

contraining

Verb problem

to contrain

show examples

their expenditure and

get

Verb problem

apply

show examples

suffered

Wrong verb form

suffer

show examples

in poverty.

Therefore

Linking Words

, the

salary

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jobs

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are

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show examples

supposed to be their first

consideration

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However

Linking Words

, I hold the view that there are a variety of factors playing more significant roles than

salary

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First,

Linking Words

proper workload should be placed beyond

salary

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, because it is related to employees' health. To be specific, some

jobs

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with high

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salary

Fix the agreement mistake

salaries

show examples

require employees to work as much as possible. Based on that, they are under a stressful working atmosphere all day, which highly imposes negative effects on both their

phycial

Correct your spelling

physical

and mental health.

For example

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

work

Correct pronoun usage

who work

show examples

for financial

insititutions

Correct your spelling

institutions

have to deal with tons of documents

everyday

Replace the word

every day

show examples

, which results in

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

they are easier to get

injury

Replace the word

injured

show examples

by sitting in

office

Correct article usage

an office

show examples

too long and depressed.

Therefore

Linking Words

although

Linking Words

they may get a higher payment, the situation of their bodies becomes

worsen

Replace the word

worse

show examples

Second,

Linking Words

safety

Use synonyms

is supposed to be

considerated

Correct your spelling

considered

considerate

over

salary

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as well. Some

high-payment

Correct your spelling

high-paying

show examples

jobs

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contain dangerous work

enviornment

Correct your spelling

environments

, so employers'

safety

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may

get

Verb problem

show examples

influenced.

For example

Linking Words

, working as

the

Correct article usage

show examples

person who

need

Change the verb form

needs

show examples

to test the effect of new medicine always with acceptable income but

also

Linking Words

facing the

potencial

Correct your spelling

potential

side effects that are harmful to their

safety

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Therefore

Linking Words

people

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should not

taking

Change the verb form

take

be taking

show examples

those

high

Add a hyphen

high-salary

show examples

salary

Use synonyms

jobs

Use synonyms

without thinking

their

Change preposition

about their

show examples

risks. In conclusion,

salary

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could be a crucial

consideration

Use synonyms

when individuals

choosing

Wrong verb form

choose

show examples

their

jobs

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, but

safety

Use synonyms

and

acceptable

Correct article usage

an acceptable

show examples

workload

are seemed

Wrong verb form

seem

show examples

more important.

Submitted by 1356388645 on Wed Jun 12 2024

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task achievement

The essay effectively addresses the task by presenting arguments for both sides of the issue. However, some ideas could be developed more thoroughly, and specific examples could be more detailed. For example, when discussing safety, more concrete scenarios could enhance the argument.

task achievement

Try to enhance the clarity of comprehensive ideas by ensuring all points are explicit and directly tied to the main argument. Sometimes the connections between points can be subtle and need further elaboration. For instance, the relation between workload and health, while mentioned, could be more deeply explored.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas can be made smoother to improve overall cohesion. Use transitional phrases to seamlessly guide the reader from one idea to the next.

coherence cohesion

Support main points with more detailed explanations or examples to enhance coherence. For instance, instead of a general statement about financial institutions' workload, specific job roles and their typical responsibilities could be mentioned.

coherence cohesion

The essay presents a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, maintaining a logical structure throughout.

task achievement

The author addresses both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced perspective on the issue.

task achievement

Good use of specific examples, such as financial institutions and testing of new medicines, to illustrate points about workload and safety.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
33
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

355 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

consideration
sole factor
financial stability
security
motivating factor
dissatisfaction
demotivation
job satisfaction
overall well-being
fulfillment
work-life balance
flexible working hours
vacations
career growth opportunities
skill development
advancement
determining factor

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When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many offenders commit more crimes after their first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

In some countries, most people prefer to rent a house rather than buy their houses. What are the advantages of renting a home? Should governments subsidies house prices for first home buyers?

As the internet becomes more popular, newspapers are becoming a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

The floor plan shows changes made to a home during a 6-month period.

Earlier technological developments brought more benefits and changed the lives of ordinary people more than recent developments ever will. To what extent do you agree or disagree?