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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart shows the percentage of people in one country, by age group, who visited one or more museums in 2006, 2011 and 2016. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart shows the percentage of people in one country, by age group, who visited one or more museums in 2006, 2011 and 2016. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #people #country #age #group #museums #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The chart
illsratue
Correct your spelling
illustrate
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of number the population in
one
Use synonyms
 country ,by
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 who visited
one
Use synonyms
 or more
museums
Use synonyms
.The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who visited
one
Use synonyms
mesum
Correct your spelling
museum
,by
age
Use synonyms
 55-64 in
Use synonyms
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2006 was higher than
Change preposition
in other
show examples
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
. The number of
percentage
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people
Use synonyms
 who visited at least
one
Use synonyms
 museum during
2011was
Correct your spelling
2011 was
 25%higest than
Change preposition
in 2006and
show examples
2006and
Correct your spelling
2006 and
 2016.
The
Change preposition
In the
show examples
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 between 25 and 34 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 is higher in
Use synonyms
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2016 but in
Use synonyms
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2011 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 who visited
Correct article usage
the museum
show examples
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
higher
Add a missing verb
was higher
show examples
 than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 2006.
Moreover
Linking Words
 in
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 between
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 35 and 44 is around 37% which is the
high
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
percectage
Correct your spelling
percentage
visited
Change preposition
of visited
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
museums
Use synonyms
.On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand ,in 2006 the
percentage
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 who visited the
museums
Use synonyms
20
Add a missing verb
was 20
show examples
% less than
Use synonyms
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2011,which is the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who visited the
museums
Use synonyms
 was 30%.In between
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
group
Add a comma
group,
show examples
 55-64
percentage
Use synonyms
 who visited the
museums
Use synonyms
 was the highest
40
Change preposition
at 40
show examples
% during
Use synonyms
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2006 but lowest
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
 years .
To sum up
Linking Words
 ,the chart shows
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of information about
Use synonyms
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 who visited
museums
Use synonyms
 between
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 years 2006,2011and 2016. in the chart the hight
percentge
Correct your spelling
percentage
 40%in
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 55-64 in the
year
Use synonyms
 2006and the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 in
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 65+around 18%in
year
Use synonyms
 2011
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 78%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, one, age, group, museums, people, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 9 times.
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