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Band 7

the graphs show the percantage of math graduates and other graduates who got full time job after graduating from a university in Australia and aslo show the average salary of both these types of garduates, from 2004 to 2012

the graphs show the percantage of math graduates and other graduates who got full time job after graduating from a university in Australia and aslo show the average salary of both these types of garduates, from 2004 to 2012
Demonstrated in the graphs are the details show the percentage of full-time workers holding a university degree, followed by the average salary of
graduates
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. The units are measured in percentage and the amount of dollars. In general, the proportion of maths and other
graduates
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 went up and down variously which gain almost the high groups.
In contrast
Linking Words
Add a comma
,
show examples
the salary
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
stayed increasing in both categories. Looking at the initial figures, it can be noted that other
graduates
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 started at a smaller percentage than maths
graduates
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 proportion which was around 60% to 70% in 2004
while
Linking Words
 maths
graduates
Use synonyms
 stood at 80%.
In contrast
Linking Words
 with the unchanged figures from 2006 to 2012 in
math
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graduates
Use synonyms
 which stayed around 80% to 90%,
this
Linking Words
 was a point
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time when
math
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graduates
Use synonyms
 reached their peak at nearly 90%, the other
graduates
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 increased dramatically in 2006 and 2008 which gained its highest point at nearly 80% before declining significantly until 2012. In 2012, the
math
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graduates
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 gained the number nearly 80%. Turning to the remaining details, it can be noted that both categories had a similar aspect which had an increasing way. Starting at the same points at $41,000 in 2004, the
math
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graduates
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' salary changed dramatically to have the highest number at $ 56,000 in 2012
whereas
Linking Words
 the other
graduates
Use synonyms
 showed a slight growth to reach $51,00 in 2012.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graduates, math with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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