IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
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Some academic
students
 are eager to have an experience in different topics
besides
 their major.
However
, some individuals argue that
students
 should spend
whole
Add an article
the whole
show examples
 time on their main subject. I strongly agree with
former
Add an article
a former
the former
show examples
 view and in
this
 essay, I will explain both views and my reason as well. On the one hand, studying is the most tedious activity if individuals should just do it, but
students
 can attend different classes to improve other skills
such
 as playing various musical instruments, learning new languages, doing sports like swimming, horseback riding, and tennis,
moreover
, these activities not only help them to be as fit as a fiddle but
also
 can bring zest and joy to their life. Apart from that, nowadays youngsters being in stiff competition and having different expertise is play a major role in their qualification of life.
Therefore
, some
students
 earn money from their talent,
for instance
, medical
students
 should study so long around seven years and
students
 prefer to have another job for their daily expenditures.
On the other hand
, some people contend that extra activities might distract
students
 and they can not concentrate on their major field, yet it is wrong because individuals should develop some skills especially time management and planning that can address
this
 problem.
Besides
, it
shown
Wrong verb form
shows
show examples
 that
students
 who pay attention to other subjects
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will be more
sophisticate
Replace the word
sophisticated
show examples
 rather than others. By way of conclusion, I believe learning some skills is very important for adolescents, but they can manage their time as well, so my perception has elaborated
further
 in
this
 essay.
Submitted by safehiana on

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coherence cohesion
Work on refining sentence structures to reduce grammatical errors. This will make your ideas easier to understand and more compelling.
task achievement
Strengthen the support for your main points with more specific examples and detailed explanations. This will make your argument more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the discussion effectively.
task achievement
You have addressed both views adequately, providing a balanced perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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