IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #factors #influence #behaviour
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Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
violence
Use synonyms
 on
television
Use synonyms
 and in
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 has a damaging
effect
Use synonyms
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
Others
Use synonyms
 deny that these
factors
Use synonyms
 have any significant
influence
Use synonyms
 on
people
Use synonyms
's
behaviour
Use synonyms
. What is your
opinion
Use synonyms
? Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
violence
Use synonyms
 on
television
Use synonyms
 and in
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 has a damaging
effect
Use synonyms
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
Others
Use synonyms
 deny that these
factors
Use synonyms
 have any significant
influence
Use synonyms
 on
people
Use synonyms
's
behaviour
Use synonyms
. What is your
opinion
Use synonyms
? Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
violence
Use synonyms
 on
television
Use synonyms
 and in
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 has a damaging
effect
Use synonyms
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
Others
Use synonyms
 deny that these
factors
Use synonyms
 have any significant
influence
Use synonyms
 on
people
Use synonyms
's
behaviour
Use synonyms
. What is your
opinion
Use synonyms
? Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
violence
Use synonyms
 on
television
Use synonyms
 and in
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 has a damaging
effect
Use synonyms
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
Others
Use synonyms
 deny that these
factors
Use synonyms
 have any significant
influence
Use synonyms
 on
people
Use synonyms
's
behaviour
Use synonyms
. What is your
opinion
Use synonyms
? Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
violence
Use synonyms
 on
television
Use synonyms
 and in
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 has a damaging
effect
Use synonyms
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
Others
Use synonyms
 deny that these
factors
Use synonyms
 have any significant
influence
Use synonyms
 on
people
Use synonyms
's
behaviour
Use synonyms
. What is your
opinion
Use synonyms
? Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
violence
Use synonyms
 on
television
Use synonyms
 and in
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 has a damaging
effect
Use synonyms
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
Others
Use synonyms
 deny that these
factors
Use synonyms
 have any significant
influence
Use synonyms
 on
people
Use synonyms
's
behaviour
Use synonyms
. What is your
opinion
Use synonyms
? Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
violence
Use synonyms
 on
television
Use synonyms
 and in
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 has a damaging
effect
Use synonyms
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
Others
Use synonyms
 deny that these
factors
Use synonyms
 have any significant
influence
Use synonyms
 on
people
Use synonyms
's
behaviour
Use synonyms
. What is your
opinion
Use synonyms
? Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
violence
Use synonyms
 on
television
Use synonyms
 and in
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 has a damaging
effect
Use synonyms
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
Others
Use synonyms
 deny that these
factors
Use synonyms
 have any significant
influence
Use synonyms
 on
people
Use synonyms
's
behaviour
Use synonyms
. What is your
opinion
Use synonyms
?
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks distinct paragraphs and a clear introduction and conclusion. Make sure to organize your essay with clear paragraphs for the introduction, body, and conclusion to enhance readability.
task achievement
Ensure you add relevant main points and specific examples to support your opinion in the essay. Discuss both perspectives and then clearly state your own opinion with supporting arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay prompt has been correctly restated multiple times, showing that you understand the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pivotal
  • desensitize
  • catalyst
  • predisposed
  • harmless outlet
  • distinguish
  • controlled environments
  • empirical research
  • minimal or no direct correlation
  • socio-economic status
  • predisposition
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