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Band 3.5

Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace.Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer. What, in your opinion, should be the main function of a univeristy?

#people #universities #graduates #skills #workplace #function #university #access #sake #course #employer #univeristy
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
knowledge
 that we gain from higher education places.We have two various
opinion
Change to a plural noun
opinions
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 about
true
Add an article
the true
show examples
 function of a university,the first one says that all we need is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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workplace skills,
while
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
says they should teach us to gain
knowledge
 for its own sake.Let us describe two sides and make
conclusion
Add an article
a conclusion
the conclusion
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 A commonly held belief is that institutes should provide graduates with the
knowledge
 and skills needed in the student’s future workplace.As evidence of
this
Add a comma
this,
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 they indicate to whole point of studying in university.I guess the main reason why we go to
educational
Replace the word
education
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 is to apprentice the profession,and the apprentice is about skills,
knowledge
,
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
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,
maybe
Correct word choice
and maybe
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 some
life-hacks
Correct your spelling
life hacks
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 from teachers.
Furthermore
,some people
just
Add a missing verb
are just
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 not able to study for themselves in their homes,they might
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
gain
knowing
Replace the word
knowledge
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 only with
Add an article
the lecturer
a lecturer
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lecturer
Fix the agreement mistake
lecturers
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.As a
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
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,it leads to
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
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 good workability in the future,but students still be like
a children
Correct the article-noun agreement
a child
children
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.
On the other hand
,some people claim that self-development,or self-education -
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
 most crucial that we need.
For example
,they may mention that since we become
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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,we start our adulthood.We
no
Add a missing verb
are no
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 longer schoolboys,we must learn how to do everything by
ourself
Correct pronoun usage
ourselves
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,or we will not be able to get out of
comfort
Correct pronoun usage
our comfort
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 zone,
it
Correct word choice
and it
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would
Wrong verb form
will
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 be hard to become an adult.
Therefore
,when we study for its own sake,we learn not only how to work,and
also
 how to be independent.
To conclude
,taking everything mentioned into account
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would argue that the second view
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
 correct.Regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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coherence cohesion
Work on providing a clearer structure in your introduction. Clearly state the topic and the two viewpoints you will discuss.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support both sides of the argument. This will make your essay more persuasive and well-rounded.
grammar
Improve language and grammar accuracy. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, proper use of articles, and punctuation.
task achievement
Make sure to fully develop your arguments in each paragraph. This will help in creating comprehensive ideas and a more compelling discussion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion needs to more explicitly summarize the main points and restate your opinion for a stronger finish.
content
The essay appropriately discusses both viewpoints and provides a conclusion.
task achievement
The main ideas are expressed clearly, indicating a good understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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