In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
In today's world, it is undeniable that the enhancement of technology and economy requires
people
must
far from home to pursue and start their career. From the writer's perspective, the weight of evidence tips scales forward Verb problem
to go
those
who believe that the benefits defeat the drawbacks. Change preposition
for those
This
essay will expound upon by
giving feasible reasons and practical examples.
Correct pronoun usage
this by
Firstly
, there are some noteworthy positive aspects of this
issue. It has numerous benefits with the most merits gained from comfortable living. To be more precise, over the past few years, there are
tons of big companies' employers prefer to choose Wrong verb form
have been
people
who study at high
level, so Add an article
a high
move
away their family from Wrong verb form
moving
countryside
is understandable. Big cities could provide Add an article
the countryside
the
better knowledge, education, Correct article usage
apply
social
Correct word choice
and social
relationship
; Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
furthermore
, the golden job opportunities there might available
and the higher wages so that it paves the way for them to send money back to their family and pay for their cost of living. Add a missing verb
be available
For instance
, well-known news in Vietnam called bao
Thanh Nien is always reporting the problem that Capitalize word
Bao
people
who graduated high school and go to big cities to pursue their dream
, 80% Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
people
have a job compared to 40% in rural areas . Change preposition
of people
Thus
, it is worth that
Correct pronoun usage
it that
although
they far
from home, they may earn a fortune to make themselves and their Add a missing verb
are far
relative
pay the cost, Fix the agreement mistake
relatives
live
more easily.
Correct word choice
and live
Secondly
, there are lots of advantages which have been listed but it is undeniable that this
issue still has some obstacles in relation to emotion. Specifically, for
parents who have adequate living conditions, Change preposition
apply
they
just want Correct pronoun usage
apply
children
to grow within their observation Correct pronoun usage
their children
due to
their emotions could be affected and feel sad when their children
disappear, and they may not trust how the children
live independently. A conuncing
example Correct your spelling
convincing
counting
for
Change preposition
of
this
situation is that aged people
who retired sometimes would feel lonely and miss their children
. Consequently
, it brings
Verb problem
has
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
affect
Correct your spelling
effect
to
the adults' emotions.
In conclusion, Change preposition
on
although
it has both benefits and drawbacks of
Change preposition
to
this
problem. While
the advantage is earning a fortune aim
to pay for themselves and Verb problem
apply
relatives’
Correct pronoun usage
their relatives’
cost
more easily so that they can live more comfortably, the obstacle is losing Fix the agreement mistake
costs
relationship
in Correct article usage
the relationship
place
where they lived before going to a big city, and their Correct article usage
the place
parent’s
Change noun form
parents’
emotion
could be affected negatively. From my standpoint, one of the best Fix the agreement mistake
emotions
way
to deal with Change to a plural noun
ways
this
problem is meet
their relative sometimes to bridge the gap, not only focus a lot on working, Fix the infinitive
to meet
balance
between working and spending time Correct word choice
but balance
for
family so that the merits would outweigh the demerits.Change preposition
with
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task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and provides a complete response. However, it would benefit from a clearer and more concise presentation of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The ideas need to be more clearly organized, and paragraphs should flow more smoothly from one to the next. Try using clearer topic sentences and transitions.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your points. While the examples provided are relevant, they could be more detailed to enhance the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to structure the argument.
task achievement
The main points are relevant to the topic and provide a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?