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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #uk #graduate #students #time #work #college #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar charts compare information about the number of graduate and postgraduate English students who did not go into full-time jobs after finishing university in 2008.
Overall
, most pupils preferred following their studies
instead
 of working, yet
small
Add an article
a small
show examples
 group of students chose voluntary
work
.
According to
 the UK graduates diagram,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 large group of pupils like to improve their knowledge, for we can see
further
 study had 29665 persons.
In addition
, Part-time
work
, Unemployment, and Voluntary
work
 had 17735, 16235, and 3500 persons respectively.
Also
, Part-time
work
 was famous like Unemployment so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the difference was roughly 1000. As can be seen in the United Kingdom postgraduate graph, not only the
graduates
Change to a genitive case
graduate's
graduates'
show examples
 diagram but
also
 the postgraduate graph had the same trend with various figures.
Further
 study was the main reason that students did not have full-time
work
, and had 2725;
furthermore
, part-time
work
 had second level with 2535, but 200 less than full-time
work
then
, Unemployment and Voluntary
work
 had third and fourth situations.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, further".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words work with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic pursuit
  • temporary employment
  • voluntary work
  • further studies
  • part-time work
  • full-time employment
  • data representation
  • statistical comparison
  • post-educational paths
  • job market
  • unemployment rate
  • career advancement
  • skill development
  • lifelong learning
  • employment sector
  • vocational training
  • economic trends
  • workforce participation
  • career aspirations
  • higher education
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