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Band 5.5

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
#show #percentages #men #women #employment #four #countries #summaries #information #features #comparison
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The bar charts indicated the proportion of
men
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 and
women
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 who were still working in their 60-64 age in four
countries
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,
such
Linking Words
 as
Australia
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, Japan, the
USA
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 and Belgium in the year of 1970 and 2000.
According to
Linking Words
 the chart above, the trend in all
countries
Use synonyms
 was the same for
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
men
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, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
men
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 who worked until their past prime time was decreasing,
while
Linking Words
 the trend for
women
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 varied a little bit. The
percentage
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 of
men
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 aged 60-64 in
employment
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 between 1970 and 2000 had seen a decline in the four
countries
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. The largest drop happened in Belgium which fell from 79% in 1970 to 19% in 2000.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
Australia
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 and
USA
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 experienced roughly the same decrease with 75% to 47% in
Australia
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 and 73% to 55% in the
USA
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
percentage
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 of
Japanese
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men
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 who were still working until their early 60s dropped just by 8% from 84% to 76%. On the other side, the
percentage
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 of
women
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 who were still in
employment
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 after reaching the age of 60 varied among those four
countries
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 between 1970 and 2000.
Australia
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 and
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USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 saw a slight jump from 18% to 19% in
Australia
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while
Linking Words
 the
USA
Use synonyms
 had a larger rise from 36% to 38%. At the same time, the
percentage
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 of
Japanese
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 and Belgian
women
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 aged 60-64 who were still in
employment
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 saw the same trend as the
percentage
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
men
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 in those
countries
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 albeit
Change preposition
with the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 smaller decrease. 3% of
Japanese
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women
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 were no longer in
employment
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 compared to the
percentage
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 of
Japanese
Use synonyms
women
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 in 2970. Whilst
Beligium
Correct your spelling
Belgium
 saw a much smaller decrease compared to Japan, only 1% from 8% to 7%.
Submitted by rianadmaja on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, countries, australia, usa, percentage, employment, japanese with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
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