Success is often measured in terms of how much somebody has earned. Do you think wealth is a good measure of success? How else could we measure whether somebody is successful or not?
It is often argued
that
whether earnings can be accumulated as successful or any other factors. Many Correct word choice
apply
people
consider accomplishment is
based on Unnecessary verb
apply
people
's wealthy
. But I think fortune is not a good way to calculate of individual's success. A peaceful Replace the word
wealth
life
along with
mental and physical fitness are to be considered as prosperity. This
essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons.
To begin
with, financial security is not a good way to weigh anybody's accomplishments because somebody earns more money
even though they have more debts from financial institutions like loans. Money
is not one thing to judge other's savings and secure
. Replace the word
security
For example
, Dr APJ Abdul Kalam was a successful person across India but he did not have any fortunes
to secure his Fix the agreement mistake
fortune
life
instead
of
he earned Change preposition
apply
people
's heard
through his intelligence. Correct your spelling
hearts
Hence
, money
should not be considered as success.
Furthermore
, a peaceful life
, mental
and physical fitness Correct word choice
and mental
also
to be considered as accomplishments Add a missing verb
are also
than
prosperity. Rephrase
rather than
This
means in this
fast-paced world most people
suffer depression and stress due to
a lack of time spending
with their family members, Replace the word
spent
consequently
, they do not have a peaceful life
but they have a bulk amount of fortune. For instance
, Bill Gates, the wealthiest man in the world, he
might not live a peaceful Correct pronoun usage
apply
life
because of
he should work hard to hold his position And it creates a luxurious Change preposition
apply
life
without happiness. Needless to say, happy
Correct article usage
a happy
life
with mental happiness should be assumed as successful.
In conclusion, prosperity is always calculate
based on earnings and savings but I think Change the form of the verb
calculated
this
not
a good aspect to weigh accomplishments because there are some other ways to measure accomplishment Add a missing verb
is not
such
as a peaceful life
, mental
and physical fitness. Correct word choice
and mental
Therefore
, I think money
is not only
way to calculate Add an article
the only
people
's successful
.Replace the word
success
Submitted by reanudeepan on
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task response
Your task response is good as you address the primary question of the essay and provide a clear stance that wealth is not a sufficient measure of success. However, you could make your arguments more comprehensive and elaborate further on points like mental and physical fitness, and peaceful life.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a good logical structure and includes an introduction and conclusion, which is commendable. However, try to organize your essay into clearer paragraphs with distinct points. Your arguments could be a little more logically connected.
task response
While you have introduced specific examples like Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam and Bill Gates, the connection between these examples and your main points could be stronger. Ensuring that your examples clearly support your argument will bolster your task achievement score.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing the discussion effectively.
task response
You successfully recognize and address the notion that wealth is not the only measure of success and suggest alternative measures such as mental and physical fitness and a peaceful life.