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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the percentage of male and female workers in country A and country B. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of male and female workers in country A and country B. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie graphs illustrate the proportion of
workers
Use synonyms
' gender, which includes service, agriculture, and industry, in
country
Use synonyms
 A and
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, in
country
Use synonyms
 A, most male and female
workers
Use synonyms
 choose to be employed in service, occupying 56% and 49% respectively in male and female
workers
Use synonyms
,
similarly
Linking Words
, in
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
, service practitioners occupied a great fraction of
workers
Use synonyms
, which includes 65% of male
workers
Use synonyms
 and 88% of female
workers
Use synonyms
. In
country
Use synonyms
 A, there are 29% of male
workers
Use synonyms
 are farmers, and there are even 14% more female farmers than males,
however
Linking Words
, obviously,
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 is not an agricultural
country
Use synonyms
, there are very small portion of
workers
Use synonyms
 are agricultural practitioners, which only contains 3% of male and 1% of female farmers.
Country
Use synonyms
 A has 15% of the male industrial population, which is almost twice the portion of the female industrial population, which is 8%.
Similarly
Linking Words
, in
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
, a fraction of male practitioners in
industrial
Replace the word
industry
show examples
 is almost a third of the portion of females, which is 33% and 11%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "similarly".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words workers, country, b with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • gender employment rate
  • workforce
  • disparity
  • employment trend
  • notable difference
  • counterpart
  • demographic
  • labor market
  • sector
  • predominantly
  • employment rate
  • analysis
  • comparative study
  • statistical data
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