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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart below shows bottled water consumption in various regions as a percent of global consumption and bar chart shows the growth of bottled water consumption in 2001. summarize the information and compare where relevant

The pie chart below shows bottled water consumption in various regions as a percent of global consumption and bar chart shows the growth of bottled water consumption in 2001. summarize the information and compare where relevant
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The pie
chart
Use synonyms
 below illustrates the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of bottled
water
Use synonyms
 in eight other
countries
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 as a
percent
Use synonyms
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 pletion of worldwide in 1999 and the
bar
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 -
chart
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 illustrates the change
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 bottled
water
Use synonyms
 use in 2001.
Overall
Linking Words
,
It is clear
Linking Words
that
Change preposition
from
show examples
the pie -
chart
Use synonyms
 the
Use synonyms
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 use bottled
water
Use synonyms
 was the highest in Western Europe .
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Asia
Use synonyms
 accounted
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 highest
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 growth of bottled
water
Use synonyms
 on the
bar
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
 . First , Western Europe accounted for 48
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and it accounted
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 highest
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 with seven other
countries
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.
Linking Words
While
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Asia
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 and
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the lowest
Use synonyms
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 and two
countries
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 only accounted
2
Change preposition
for 2
show examples
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
bottled
Change preposition
of bottled
show examples
water
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 . Australia where achieved 15
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 on the pie
chart
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 . The percentage accounted for 13
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 which
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 bottled
water
Use synonyms
consumption
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 in
Newzealand
Correct your spelling
New Zealand
show examples
. Africa and
Middle
Correct article usage
the Middle
show examples
 East only achieved 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 bottled
water
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
.
The
Change preposition
On the
show examples
 other hand,
Asia
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 was the highest 14
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in the
bar
Use synonyms
chart
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 .
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Western Europe only accounted for near
bu
Correct your spelling
by
show examples
 4
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Latin America and
Newzealand
Correct your spelling
New Zealand
show examples
 accounted for
near by
Correct your spelling
nearly
show examples
 14
percent
Use synonyms
 and achieved
Use synonyms
percent
Correct your spelling
a percentage
show examples
 lower than
Asia
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. Two
countries
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 the same
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 14
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 involved
Middle
Correct article usage
the Middle
show examples
 East and Africa . The percentage accounted for
near by
Correct your spelling
nearly
show examples
 11
percent
Use synonyms
 in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 . Australia where accounted for
near by
Correct your spelling
nearly
show examples
 11
percent
Use synonyms
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
lower than Australia on the
bar
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
 in 2001.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, consumption, water, countries, percent, bar, asia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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