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Writing Samples
Band 7

The pie graph below shows bottled water consumption in various regions as a percent of global consumption and the bar-chart shows the growth of bottled water consumption in 2001. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie graph below shows bottled water consumption in various regions as a percent of global consumption and the bar-chart shows the growth of bottled water consumption in 2001. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie graph illustrates the percentages of bottled
water
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 in 8 different areas and the bar
chart
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 demonstrates the increase in
consumption
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 of
bottledbottle
Correct your spelling
bottled bottle
bottled-bottle
water
Use synonyms
 .
Overall
Linking Words
, in the pie
chart
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, the proportion of bottled
water
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 in Western Europe was the largest
while
Linking Words
 in the bar
chart
Use synonyms
, the number of
consumption
Use synonyms
 in bottled
water
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 country was the lowest. And vice versa with Asia in two maps. In the pie graph, the bottled
water
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 rate in Western Europe reached nearly
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half
while
Linking Words
 in Asia and Australia, there figure accounted for a small portion at 2% in 2001. The percentages of bottled
water
Use synonyms
consumption
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 in 5 countries ranged from 5% to 15%. The figures for Africa and the Middle East were the same, accounted 5%. And in Latin America, New Zealand, USA the proportions reached 10%, 13%, and 15% respectively. In the bar
chart
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, the growth of bottled
water
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 in Asia was highest, 14%.
This
Linking Words
 data was approximately 7 times in Western Europe
Correct word choice
which
show examples
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 accounted for only 2%. In 6 regions, the data were not much different. In Australia and the USA, the rate reached at more than 8%.The proportion in the Middle East, Africa Latin were 10% and in Latin America, New Zealand were about 12%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, consumption, chart with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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