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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

These days, people work in more than one job , and often change career several times during their life. What are the advantages and diadvantages of this ?

#people #work #job #change #career #times #life #diadvantages
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Job
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 is the most important things which decide a career. We always have seen
changes
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 and recently
one
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 change is in a
job
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, people often change their
jobs
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 and
work
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 in more than
one
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 company. I sell write what are benefits and demerits of doing a
job
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 in different company. A
person
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 who does a
job
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 on different
jobs
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 would get to know about different
skills
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,
work
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 and cultures which ultimately help him or her in his future career. Because of having different
skills
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, and knowledge of various
work
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 from previous
work
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, a new employer offers a senior position with competitive pay.
For Example
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,
one
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 who has been working as a deputy manager
,
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apply
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 now would be offered a branch manager with good pay which will be accepted by him or her.
Although
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 people are learning new
skills
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 from different
jobs
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 and workplace environments teach them about aptitude, ethics which are vital for daily life Every coin has two sides, so I believe often making a change in a
job
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, brings demerits in career life. Because of changing
jobs
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, a
person
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 needs to learn new
skills
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 from the beginning which takes
a
Correct article usage
apply
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time and a new
job
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 location
also
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 takes a few months to adapt by a
person
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 and be regular again.
Moreover
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, frequent
changes
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 in
work
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 make a bad impression on a
person
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.
For Instance
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, disclosing more previous
job
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 experience could affect on CV and the chance of refusal from the new company. From the overview, I believe a
person
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 should not make frequent
changes
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 in a
job
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.
Instead
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,
one
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 can make
changes
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 in their
work
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according to
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 the situation. I believe advantages are more fruitful in comparison to disadvantages.
Submitted by ap064911 on

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task achievement
Consider starting with a clearer introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay. This can help the reader understand the structure from the beginning.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. Personal anecdotes or hypothetical situations can make your arguments more relatable and convincing.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a consistent logical flow throughout the essay. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, and avoid abrupt shifts in topics.
task achievement
The essay shows a balanced consideration of both advantages and disadvantages, which provides a well-rounded perspective on the topic.
task achievement
You have made good use of vocabulary to articulate your points. Terms like 'aptitude,' 'ethics,' and 'competitive pay' demonstrate a good command of language.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and offers a final opinion, which wraps up the essay nicely.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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