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Band 5.5

These days, people work in more than one job , and often change career several times during their life. What are the advantages and diadvantages of this ?

#people #work #job #change #career #times #life #diadvantages
Job
 is the most important things which decide a career. We always have seen
changes
 and recently
one
 change is in a
job
, people often change their
jobs
 and
work
 in more than
one
 company. I sell write what are benefits and demerits of doing a
job
 in different company. A
person
 who does a
job
 on different
jobs
 would get to know about different
skills
,
work
 and cultures which ultimately help him or her in his future career. Because of having different
skills
, and knowledge of various
work
 from previous
work
, a new employer offers a senior position with competitive pay.
For Example
,
one
 who has been working as a deputy manager
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 now would be offered a branch manager with good pay which will be accepted by him or her.
Although
 people are learning new
skills
 from different
jobs
 and workplace environments teach them about aptitude, ethics which are vital for daily life Every coin has two sides, so I believe often making a change in a
job
, brings demerits in career life. Because of changing
jobs
, a
person
 needs to learn new
skills
 from the beginning which takes
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time and a new
job
 location
also
 takes a few months to adapt by a
person
 and be regular again.
Moreover
, frequent
changes
 in
work
 make a bad impression on a
person
.
For Instance
, disclosing more previous
job
 experience could affect on CV and the chance of refusal from the new company. From the overview, I believe a
person
 should not make frequent
changes
 in a
job
.
Instead
,
one
 can make
changes
 in their
work
according to
 the situation. I believe advantages are more fruitful in comparison to disadvantages.
Submitted by ap064911 on

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task achievement
Consider starting with a clearer introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay. This can help the reader understand the structure from the beginning.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. Personal anecdotes or hypothetical situations can make your arguments more relatable and convincing.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a consistent logical flow throughout the essay. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, and avoid abrupt shifts in topics.
task achievement
The essay shows a balanced consideration of both advantages and disadvantages, which provides a well-rounded perspective on the topic.
task achievement
You have made good use of vocabulary to articulate your points. Terms like 'aptitude,' 'ethics,' and 'competitive pay' demonstrate a good command of language.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and offers a final opinion, which wraps up the essay nicely.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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